


I can manage the risks (for you, with you)

by Basilintime



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Eddie Lives, F/M, Falling In Love, M/M, Mentions of Emotional Abuse, Night Terrors, PTSD, Pining, Probably sex at some point, Slurs, Some angst, Two idiots who love each other, a whole lot of cursing, dealing with murderous shapeshifting clowns can fuck you up, definitely a lot of making out, figuring out relationships, its a happy ending after all, the repressed gays finally get their chance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2020-11-10 17:39:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20855663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basilintime/pseuds/Basilintime
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak lives.Eddie Kaspbrak lives and is fairly certain that his best friend, Richie Tozier, just confessed he loved him and that he fucked it up in his disbelief.After everything, Eddie knows he needs to make a change. He just hopes that hinging some of that change on Richie doesn't backfire on him.





	1. Removing the Roadblocks

“I love you, Eddie.”

There were moments in Eddie Kaspbrak’s life that he regretted but none stood out more than this. He regretted it because he’d laughed as Richie had looked at him with an earnest expression. They had been sitting in the hospital room he’d been stuck in for several weeks at that point and he had laughed because he knew it had to be a joke. He had laughed to cover the nervous twist in his gut that had nothing to do with the fact they’d been recently rearranged by a giant demonic clown.

Richie had sat staring at him for a moment and Eddie had felt that uncertainty grow as he let his laughter die. It was the first moment he realized that maybe it hadn’t actually been a joke at all. Richie Tozier wasn’t usually quiet, not like he was in those long seconds before Eddie could swallow down that emotion and respond.

“Hey, Rich, I love you too. You know that, right?” And Eddie had meant it. He may have forgotten it over the years, just like he’d forgotten most everything about Derry and the Losers Club, but he’d been certain of it from the second he’d seen Richie step back into his life. He was and always had been in love with his best friend. He was as certain about that as he had been certain that Richie could never feel that same way in return. The flicker of disappointment on Richie’s face had him doubting that suddenly but the moment was gone and Richie was giving a laugh.

“Shit, don’t go getting all sentimental there, Eds.” Rich rolled his eyes as he brushed the comment off with a half-assed joke and Eddie was left with an unsettled feeling that he’d just fucked up.

“You started it, asshole.” Eddie flipped Richie off which brought another peal of laughter out of him and he made the choice that he was going to change things. And maybe once he had everything in place…well, Eddie needed to change things either way.

So, when he’d been released from the hospital, and all of the Losers went their separate ways, Eddie went his own way as well. He’d gone back home to Myra who had proceeded to go off on him the second he walked in the door; had done that overbearing balance of concern and control that had become more and more evident over the years. All of it was layered with _sweetness _and _care _to keep it from being the obvious manipulation it was.

He knew now that it had always been there, that mirroring of his mother’s control she’d forced on him. Maybe it had been subtler in the beginning, maybe it had been just as glaringly obvious back then but he hadn’t seen it. Hadn’t been able to see it since his recollections of his own mother’s deceptions when he was young had been smudged away from his memories of Derry.

He’d listened to her berate him for putting her through all that worry, all that fear, and all because he had to go see some old friends. And then he had told her he wanted a fucking divorce.

The next several months had been a mess. He had made a lot of concessions to her in an attempt to get it done and over with. He had made a lot of concessions to her because, despite the fact that he had never been in love with her and that part of him greatly despised her, he still cared about her too. Just like he still cared about his mother despite the fact that, were she still alive, he wouldn’t speak to her again. It was a bitch of a thing when you still cared about someone like that.

He had stuck with it despite the attempts to reel him back in. Had focused on the fact he was doing this for a reason.

It had taken far longer than Eddie had wanted to tie off those loose ends, to eliminate the risks and roadblocks in his path. Part of him feared that it would have taken too long, that he’d get everything sorted and find it was too late. Sometimes, on those nights it was toughest, he’d call Richie. Just to check in. And Richie always answered, gave him encouragement while making casual insults that weren’t really insults at all. Eddie never asked if he’d meant it, what he had said in the hospital, and he never told Richie that part of the reason he was doing this was for him.

Eddie hoped Rich understood even if he wasn’t quite able to say it yet.

He watched Richie’s comedy specials on TV whenever they were on, saw the show where he’d finally come out in more way than one. Eddie knew it hadn’t been planned, that it was just Richie going off the cuff like he was wont to do. Could tell that he was terrified as he stood on stage and admitted that there would be some changes.

“So, I’ve gotta be real about some things here. I know there’s been a lot of rumors flying around in the last few months. And I’m here to tell you they’re all fucking true. I am gay. I don’t write my own jokes though I’m going to be trying to change that one. The gay thing is staying though. Oh, and I definitely helped trash a Chinese restaurant in my old hometown but in my defense…I was seeing some really fucked up shit that night.”

Eddie tried to call Richie that night, to make sure he was okay, but that had been the first time he hadn’t gotten an answer. A week later, Eddie’s divorce had been finalized and he’d missed Richie finally returning his call.

*

“So, this is the place. You’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like.”

Two weeks later and Eddie was on the other side of the country. He looked around as he stepped in through the front door after Bev; Ben had already run back downstairs to meet with the movers so they knew where to bring everything.

There wasn’t a whole lot for them to bring really given the place was already furnished and Eddie had found he had owned very few things that he considered ‘his’ after the divorce. Most of it had been Myra’s and so that had been who it had stayed with.

Eddie felt a bit overwhelmed as he looked around, setting his bags down on the couch. When Ben had said he had a small place in Santa Monica that Eddie was more than welcome to use he hadn’t thought he’d meant an entire top floor suite all to himself. Eddie could just imagine what a deathtrap this place could be in the middle of an earthquake.

Eddie was not ready to face his first earthquake and sincerely hoped it’d be a while before that inevitability would happen.

“You guys sure about this? Even with the new job I can’t imagine I’d be able to afford the rent in a place like this.” Bev gave him a smile, one of those small knowing ones that had honestly scared him a little when he was younger. She’d always been intimidating and Eddie had felt fortunate that she picked them, the Losers.

“We’re fine with it, Eddie. We’re going to be traveling for a bit and even if we weren’t, we’d probably settle at the place up north. No reason for you not to use the space.”

She had more of an ease about her now; less of that lingering sadness that had been there when they were kids and still when they’d all returned to Derry. They all had a little less of that or, at least, Eddie hoped they all did. He’d be feeling pretty shit if this whole plan backfired on him. He was very aware of the fact that he’d just left everything behind. He was out to dry with none of his old safety nets and not entirely certain he wasn’t going to make a fool of himself. 

“Well, I appreciate it. Gotta start fresh somehow, you know?” Part of him was terrified that Richie choosing to come out during his show had been a sign he’d found someone else. That Eddie had taken too long to get Myra to agree to the terms of the divorce or that, even worse, he’d misunderstood the situation entirely and he’d be out here living in an entirely too fancy death trap on top of a building that may very well crumble into the ocean.

Except, well, it was a building Ben had designed and, despite what a mess that clubhouse had been as kids, Eddie knew that he wouldn’t have designed a place without all the proper safety measures.

There was perhaps more than a small part of Eddie that was falling back into old panic at the moment. Being here felt different than all the planning had over the last few months. It had taken shape as a familiar fear in his chest, that tightness that had been excused as asthma instead of the anxiety it really was. He had upheaved his entire life, moved to the other side of the country and was realizing for the first time that he seriously should have talked to Richie about that not-quite a confession at the hospital.

He had wanted to get away though. He had wanted to tie up the loose ends that had haunted him throughout his life. Cut off the repeating cycle of overcontrolling emotional abuse that he knew he was strong enough to reject now. And he wanted something different, something better, even if there was a chance it couldn’t be with Richie.

God, he really hoped it would be with Richie. If the asshole had found someone to be with while Eddie was picking his own life apart…

“Hey, Eddie, where do you want the guys to take the boxes for now?” Ben’s head popped in through the doorway behind Bev, a smile blossoming on his face when he saw her there. He stole a quick kiss while gently nudging her out of the way of the movers as they followed in behind him.

Ugh, love…lucky assholes.

“You guys can set them over in the corner for now.” Eddie watched the movers skeptically, hoped that they hadn’t managed to break the last few remaining things he owned. It would be easier if they put them in one spot for now and he could get them organized once he had his bearings a bit better.

Maybe once he’d had a good chance to actually take a deep breath and evaluate.

“So, the fridge should be stocked with the basics to get you started. There’s a grocery store just down the street that’s usually pretty good and they’ll deliver which is always nice if you get busy. And, you know, feel free to change things around if you want. The place is yours so I don’t want you to feel like you can’t make it feel like home.”

Ben shifted through the open floor plan to the kitchen to pop the fridge door open to grab a bottle of water as the movers filed in with boxes they’d brought up in the elevator.

Fifteen total. Fifteen boxes contained the entirety of Eddie’s possessions he had felt like keeping.

He wished just then that one of those things had been the inhaler. It was fucking useless, he knew that, but a security blanket was a security blanket.

“Do you want us to stay and help you get unpacked?” Ben gave him a smile and Eddie knew he was lucky to have friends like them. He was lucky to have them back in his life but right at that moment all he really wanted was to be on his own.

“You know, Eddie’s had a long day. Maybe it’d be better that we leave him be to get settled.” Bev gave Ben a bit of a pointed look and a small moment of realization flickered across his face.

“Yeah, I appreciate all this but I am pretty wiped with how long of a drive that was to get in. I thought the whole getting across the entire fucking nation was going to be the thing that took the longest. I feel like it took more time to make it across town from the hotel though.” Eddie had thought driving in New York was bad until he experienced LA traffic. He was dreading the drive into his new job but it at least wasn’t far.

He dreaded starting up a new job. More risk management, maybe not as far from his old life as he’d like.

“Yeah, you’re going to be dealing with that quite a bit. I’d suggest getting familiar with the public transport if you want to stay sane.” Bev stole the bottle of water away from Ben as he spoke, taking a swig from it as she glanced at the time.

“That’s all of them.” The main guy with the moving company cut in as he stood just inside the door with a tablet that clearly held the bill. It had taken them all of ten minutes to actually get the boxes upstairs from the storage pod that had been delivered the night before but Eddie was still dreading to see the total. It had cost an arm and a leg just to get those boxes shipped here; he really should have just insisted on carrying the damned things himself.

“We’ll go ahead and get out of your head, Eds.” Bev gave Ben a small tug to get him moving towards the door as Eddie pulled his wallet from his pocket.

“Let us know if you want to do breakfast tomorrow before we head out. We should have plenty of time; we’re slotted to fly at 2.” Ben gave him a hug and Eddie maybe smiled for the first time in a while as he patted his back awkwardly in return. “Get some rest, man.”

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll let you know about breakfast.”

Ben side stepped around the mover with a smile that was half-heartedly returned by the man. Bev paused in front of Eddie, dangling the key to the place in front of him for a moment without relinquishing it.

“Don’t wait too long.” 

“For what?” Eddie frowned as he tried to take the key from her and she lifted it up out of his reach. Eddie gave her an irritated look before trying to snatch it away again only for her to life it up higher. She snuck in close then to press a kiss against his cheek before speaking in his ear.

“To let Richie know you’re here.” Eddie felt a bit of heat rush up in his cheeks as she pulled away and gave him that knowing smirk once more. She dropped the key into his open hand before waving and walking away to follow Ben out; laughing when he flipped her off.

“How much do I owe you?” Eddie grumbled as the mover guy gave him an impatient look as he held the tablet out. He opened up his wallet to pull his credit card free as he stepped to see what the damage was and felt like he could have about socked the guy when he saw the total. “You guys have been here for fifteen minutes.”

“We wrote down the time we got here. It took us twenty minutes to complete the job and anything over fifteen we have to charge for the whole hour. If you want, I can have the guys come back up and unpack this treasure trove you’ve got here. That might take them a whole ‘nother five minutes.”

“Oh, ha ha ha, jack ass. Just run the damn card.”

*

He hadn’t wasted time. Not with unpacking at least. Eddie had worked through even after his ribs had started to complain, something his doctor had said might persist due to the scar tissue.

Imagine that. Something that wasn’t just psychosomatic side effects. He felt a little bitter twist at the thought. The reminder that he’d been convinced of something that hadn’t been anything more than his mother’s (and then Myra’s) controlling fear.

Eddie sighed as he stopped folding his clothes and sat on the edge of the overly large bed. Seriously, it was stupid how big of a bed Ben had decided to put into this place and Eddie was going to have to be in it by himself.

He felt the start of a headache as he heard his mother’s voice in the back of his head. A voice that he still hadn’t been able to entirely shake.

_What have you done, Eddie? You’re all alone._

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. Tried to fight back against that doubt in the back of his head.

What was he doing?

He took a deep breath, fighting against that tightness in his chest as he dropped the pair of pants he’d been folding to grasp for his cell phone. It was instinctual on one level, to reach out to Richie when he felt that panic, knew he could help bring him back down to earth without even needing to know something was wrong.

He dialed Richie’s number and stared out the window where he could see the lights of Santa Monica Pier with the last hints of the sunset painting the skyline; the Ferris Wheel turning brightly and reflecting on the darkening water below it. He listened to the phone ring and worried at his bottom lip. Almost forgot in that moment that he was nervous to talk to Richie as he hoped that he’d answer. That they wouldn’t keep missing each other.

“Eddie Spaghetti! What the hell are you doing calling me so late? Isn’t it like, shit, one AM there?”

He felt the smile tug at his lips as Richie’s voice came over the phone. It sounded like he was outside somewhere, maybe at one of his shows or just out on the town.

_Maybe he’s with someone._

“Yeah, if I was in New York it probably would be. It’s only about ten where I’m at right now.” Eddie tapped at the glass of the window for a moment, thought better of it and turned to go sit on the edge of that big empty bed with his clothes piled on it.

“Wait, shit, where are you?” Some of that background noise faded as if Rich had stepped away somewhere quieter for him. Some of the street noise and talking softened and his voice came through clearer. “It’s ten in LA right now, man, are you on the west coast?”

“Yeah, just got here today. I’m in Santa Monica actually.”

“Well, fuck me.”

Eddie felt a bit of heat rise up in his cheeks at the comment. He knew Rich hadn’t meant anything by it but his mental response had immediately been _yes, please_.

“Look, I’m not in town but I’ll be back in a couple of days. How long are you out here?” That was a loaded question but, well, Eddie was here now. If this didn’t work maybe he could ask Ben and Bev if they’d let him use one of their _other_ fancy as fuck suites. Maybe he could move to fucking Scotland or something. He was sure that Ben had to have a place on the other side of the world somewhere.

“I’ll definitely still be here in a couple of days cause that’s sort of the thing. I kind of moved out here…” There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. He felt like he was sitting in that hospital room again for a moment only he was the one making the declaration. He was certain Richie would know, would understand and that this would be the moment he’d find out he’d been wrong.

“Holy fuck, the fucking divorce finalized, didn’t it? Con-fucking-grats, Eds! Okay, look, two days. I get back and I’m gonna cancel anything that’s scheduled and we’re gonna party. We’re going to celebrate this shit.”

“You don’t have to cancel shit for me, Rich-”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m not cancelling for you, you dick. You’re just fortunate that you decided to move near the end of this fucking tour, alright?”

“Oh, yeah, how real fucking lucky I am that I get to spend time with you, asshole.” He heard Richie’s laugh, felt that happy warmth spread in his chest that he always got at the sound of it. 

“Okay, look, I’ve gotta go but I can’t wait to see your cute fucking face, alright? I’ll call you when I get back. We’ve got a lot to catch up on. I, uh…” Eddie could hear someone telling Richie he needed to get a fucking move on in the background over another one of those silences.

“I’ll see you then, jackass.”

“Later Eddie Spaghetti.”

Eddie heard the line go silent and sat for a long time watching that Ferris Wheel glow in the distance.


	2. When the routine fails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie find himself trying to adjust to a life that breaks free of his previous routines. He has his goodbye breakfast with Ben and Bev before they head out and finds himself uncertain how to continue forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying something new in making the text messages look like actual text messages for the *aesthetic*. Hopefully they're still clear and readable but let me know if they aren't.

Eddie hadn’t slept much the night before. He had finished putting his clothes away, finished unpacking and getting everything settled into place. Well, into a place. Eddie would likely have to take some time to really figure out where everything would actually belong in the end. Once he’d gotten all the boxes emptied, he had tried lying down in that big, equally empty bed on his own and sleep. Instead, he had laid there tossing and turning for several hours before he had caved in to take some melatonin.

It hadn’t exactly helped, exceptionally since it was like taking a kids Tylenol in comparison to the Ambien he’d used to rely on. He was fairly certain it was now late enough he could consider it as early instead and Eddie was now confronted with the struggle on how to even start his day.

He’d had a routine once; not a great routine but a routine nonetheless. Wake up, take his morning rotation of pills that Myra always ensured was laid out for him: multivitamin, an arrangement of other vitamins on top of it, ex-lax, Excedrin, cod liver oil and iron. Those had just been to start the day. He had been responsible for getting up, cooking a healthy meal carefully vetted by Myra before he got showered and dressed for work. Work had been the relief though Myra’s constant phone calls had frequently made it feel no different than being at home.

Eddie was free to figure out how he wanted to start his day on his own now. He lay there for a while longer listening to the quiet hum of the air conditioner blowing. It was hard to gauge just what time it was with the black out curtains drawn across the window but there was a hint of soft grey light where he hadn’t gotten the seam of the curtains closed entirely.

He felt that sense of disorientation that had hit him so many times since he’d left the hospital. He had no where to go. He could even sleep in if he wanted to without being lectured on how too much sleep could give a higher chance of diabetes, heart disease, stroke and even death.

Getting just the right amount of sleep had done nothing to help Eddie avoid dying a few months ago.

He heard the sound of his phone chime on the bedside table and Eddie sighed as he finally admitted he just needed to get up. If that was Ben and Bev already texting to figure out when to come for breakfast that meant he needed to get moving after all. He sat up and reached for his cell, eyes squinting against the bright light as he woke the screen up and he gave a soft curse as he unlocked it. There were a few messages by the time his eyes had adjusted enough to see properly.

Their collective group text that they’d started after leaving Derry had been active in waves as they all checked in with each other. The first message, this time, was from Richie and Eddie rolled his eyes a bit as he read through them before typing out a quick response.

Eddie watched for a second, had expected Richie to come back with something quick. It showed he was typing for a moment but then that disappeared as well and Eddie worried at a thumb nail.

_Keep your hands out of your mouth, Eddie._

He grumbled as he heard that voice in the back of his mind and he tossed his phone aside on the great expanse of the bed. He debated for a moment staying there a bit longer out of pure spite but in the end couldn’t bring himself to do so. It would be better if he got up and figured out what he could make for breakfast especially with Ben and Bev coming to join him.

Eddie headed to the bathroom first, turning the water on as hot as he could and opened the small medicine cabinet. He hadn’t gotten rid of everything but he had tried to cut it down as much as he was comfortable with. Still with a multivitamin and an allergy pill. He debated for a moment on the laxative for a few seconds as the bathroom mirror steamed up. He finally shoved all the bottles back into the cabinet without taking a single one. Felt sick at the thought of purposefully skipping it all but that voice rising in the back of his mind had renewed that determination to screw his old life.

He stripped out of his pajamas, catching the shape of the scar that started just below his ribs, a slightly jagged line with evenly spaced dots down along the edges where the stitching had been. He stared at it for a moment feeling equal parts proud and disgusted by it and as the mirror fogged up, he got the sense that he wasn’t alone. He turned around but found the large, bright bathroom empty still and Eddie swallowed roughly as he finished undressing to get into the shower.

He had a moment of gratitude as he stepped under the stream of water; hot enough it burned a little leaving his skin flushed from the heat. There had been a lot of hotel bathroom over the last few months; bathrooms where the light didn’t manage to chase away the shadows in the shower stall. Long curtains that drowned out any real sign of what was on the other side. Bathrooms where Eddie had found himself feeling claustrophobic or paranoid that there was someone or something lingering just out of sight.

In contrast, Ben and Bev’s bathroom was large, bright and clean. A light above the shower itself chased the dark spaces away and even without it the glass door that neatly closed allowed the light to pool in. Nothing would be sneaking up on him here. No one was going to drive a knife through his cheek without him seeing it coming.

Eddie stood for a long time under the water, a luxury he hadn’t really given himself in those darker spaces. The impulse to scrub it all away; those twenty-seven years where he’d been living a half life without even realizing it, was strong. To exfoliate away all the cells that still clung to him from when his memories had been taken from him and he had forgotten his own strength, the lengths his mother had gone to make him believe he was sick, the friends who he’d been willing to risk his life for and the one he’d always loved.

It only took twenty-seven days for your skin to completely regenerate but Eddie had twenty-seven years-worth of layers built up.

Eddie took the chance to try and wash all that away in hopes that this attempt at a different sort of life might actually succeed. That when Richie got here, they could pick up where they’d left off in the hospital room. That he really had meant it the way Eddie wanted him to when he’d said he loved him and that he’d not fucked it up too royally when he’d taken it as a joke.

That was Eddie’s biggest fear now. That he’d fucked up. Or, that Richie really had just meant it as an ‘I love you, man’ sort of moment and not the ‘I’m in love with you’ sort of thing it had felt like. Eddie couldn’t think about that right now or he’d end up packing up his bags and flying back to New York where things were familiar and he wasn’t likely to die in an earthquake because Ben Hanscom didn’t know that top floor suites weren’t the best choice when you lived on an actual fault line.

Eddie forced himself to be still for a moment as that wave of anxiety washed over him. The shortness of breath, the pounding of his heart in his chest like he was running a fucking marathon. Eddie closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the tile wall of the shower; found it cool even with the steam that had quickly filled up the space.

He would have once used his asthma inhaler during a moment like this. There was still a knee-jerk reaction to reach for it but he’d made certain that had stayed behind.

_They’re fucking gazebos! _

“Placebos. I’m braver than I think…” Eddie took a couple more deep-breaths before switch off the water to the shower. He stepped out and dried off carefully before heading to get dressed. He’d have breakfast with Ben and Bev and then he’d head out to try and find his way to his new office. It’d be good to be prepared for when he started in a few days. Know what sort of commute he’d be facing and whether it was clear where to park or not. Plan ahead.

Eddie glanced down at his phone as he pulled fresh clothes from the closet where he had carefully gotten everything in place the night before. There were a few more new messages and he hurried through pulling his shirt on before scooping it up to read what the other Losers had said.

Eddie gave a soft snort of amusement before moving to the next conversation to see that Ben had texted to ask if he was ready for them to head over so they could all go grab breakfast. Eddie sent a quick response to say that he was pretty much good to go before moving to finally pull open the curtains to look outside.

*

They had ended up going out for breakfast rather than making it in as Eddie had originally thought. Ben sat across from him in the booth giving him a soft concerned look over his cup of coffee while Bev sat beside him. Eddie poured himself one more cup to nurse now that they’d wrapped up their meal. There had been a few more texts from Richie, short responses to the Losers and one checking with him on what time would work for them to hang out the day he got back. Eddie hadn’t answered that one just yet.

“When are you two heading out again?”

“Probably a little after noon. We’re going to swing up towards Seattle to get some things settled and dock the boat in harbor up there. And then we’ll be heading out for the long haul to Paris for the next couple of months.” Ben leaned back and put his arm over Bev’s shoulders as she stirred some cream into a fresh cup of coffee. Their empty plates sat between them carefully stacked now that they had finished eating.

“Ben has a project there and since I can work on new designs most anywhere, I wanted to go with him. Are you ready for the new job in a few days? Have you checked the place out online at all?” Bev gave Ben a momentary look that was full of quiet adoration as she spoke and Eddie smiled to see them happy. They deserved this happiness and the carefree sense they seemed to have around them now. Eddie wished he had found that same contentment; wondered if it was possible that he could with a bit more time.

“Yeah, I’ve done some digging online to figure out what sort of reputation they’ve got. It’s the typical insurance stuff like my last place. It shouldn’t really be all that different of work.” Eddie gave a bit of a shrug as he tried his coffee to find that it had gotten lukewarm at best. He moved to add some more from the carafe the waitress had left them with the need to shake off the last of his fatigue from the night before.

“You ever think of trying something else?” Ben gave him a questioning look as the waitress came to pick up their plates and clear the table. They’d have to get going soon and Eddie was finding himself reluctant to part ways. It was nice having friends around again. It was nice just having friends again. He hadn’t ever really realized how lonely he’d been before until there had been a reminder that he didn’t have to be.

“Risk management’s what I’m good at. Having to try and talk some sense into you assholes prepared me for at least one thing in life.”

“Well, you did a pretty damn good job at keeping us alive in the end.” Bev gave him a wink as Ben gave soft laugh and nodded his head in agreement. Eddie felt a little bit of that heat in his cheeks now, a weird sense of pride that he’d been able to crack the code on how to stop It. If he had died, at least he would have known he’d gotten the other Losers out safe.

“Yeah, well, that was a damn miracle cause none of you usually actually listen to me.”

“I guess if there was ever a time for you to get through to us that was it.” Ben spoke softly as the waitress brought the check and set it down on the table. Eddie reached for it, intent that he could cover it given everything that Ben and Bev were doing for him but his hand was lightly smacked away by Bev.

“We’ve got it this time. You just had to cover the expense of moving out here.” Bev scooped up the bill and Ben handed her a card to pay for it as if they’d coordinated it together. Eddie wanted to protest, would have if it wasn’t for the narrow look that Bev shot him when he opened his mouth to do so. “Just say ‘Thank you’, Eddie.”

“Thank you.” Eddie said while scratch at his temple with his middle finger which he was glad to find it made Bev laugh. “I do appreciate everything. This would have been a lot harder on my own with nowhere to go for sure.”

“You would have done the same for either of us, Eds, so don’t even think about it. We’re happy we could help.”

“And I’m glad to see that you called Richie.” Bev nudged his foot with her own underneath the table and gave him a rather conspicuous wink. Eddie felt himself flush with a bit of embarrassment as he scowled lightly at her, tried to cover up any heat in his cheeks by taking a sip of his refreshed coffee only to find it was way hotter than he had expected. He felt it burn his tongue and then continue to burn as it slid down his throat. 

“Fuck.” He set the cup down a little too quickly and it spilled out onto his hand too. “Shit!” Ben reached across the table to help mop up the spilled coffee as Eddie cursed.

“Hey, easy there, here. This will help.” Ben scooped an ice cube from his glass of water and pressed it against the back of Eddie’s hand where the coffee had spilled. It hadn’t actually burned that badly though the ice did soothe the slight string of heat against his knuckles. Eddie looked up at Ben with a mix of frustration and maybe just a little bit of attraction cause, okay, the guy _was_ an Adonis who still was that gentle and caring person that Ben had always been.

He caught Bev’s eye for a moment and she gave him a smirk as she sat back in the booth. She had her own cup of coffee cradled in her hands as if making a point that it wasn’t _that hot_.

“You know they’re not supposed to serve coffee over, like, one-seventy-five. It can cause third degree burns, that’s what really happened to that lady who sued McDonald’s. Even if that wasn’t the case there’s been studies that overly hot beverages can cause esophageal cancer. You shouldn’t drink anything that’s over about one hundred and fifty degrees but some of these places just don’t listen.”

“I don’t think it’s gonna blister or anything. Here, you should keep this on it for a while longer though. You want a few ice cubes to put in it to help cool it down faster?” Ben finally let go of his hand but only after taking one of the napkins and dipping it into the water cup and wrapping it carefully in place.

“Yeah, thanks, I’ve got it. I’m fine. Thank you. What were we talking about?” Eddie knew the ice would help remove the last bit of stinging but it was also restaurant ice. He could handle a bit of a sting for a while; he’d managed to survive getting a knife to the face after all. Ben nudged the glass closer to him as if making certain he knew he could use it if he wanted.

“Richie.” Bev said it bluntly and Ben gave a slightly reprimanding look that wasn’t serious in the least.

“It is good that you’re here. It will probably do Rich some good having someone close with everything that’s been going on.”

Eddie frowned at the comment from Ben. He knew that things had probably not been great for Richie with coming out while on tour but he hadn’t said anything specific was up. In fact, he’d sounded good when they’d talked the night before. They hadn’t really talked much lately though between Eddie moving, the general nerves of that and the fact that he had no idea where he stood with Richie at the moment, and the fact that Richie had been on tour for a while now.

“What’s up with Richie? He didn’t say anything was up last night but we didn’t exactly get a chance to talk for long.”

“He’s been dealing with a lot of shit from some of the people he’s touring with since he came out. I think he expected some of it but that doesn’t make it much easier. I’m a little surprised he hadn’t told you.” Ben shook his head, a look of protective anger on his face that said he’d be more than happy to help set some people straight. Eddie knew that setting them straight in Ben’s terms would likely mean giving them a thorough talking to. Either that or throw a rock. It’d do the trick no matter which route it ended up taking.

“That and the deadlights.” The teasing humor disappeared from Bev’s face as she said this with a sigh. Some of that carefree joy that he’d been both admiring and envious had seemed to fade away just then to be replaced with a tired, mildly defeated look. Bev was the only one that would know exactly how seeing the deadlights could affect someone.

“He hadn’t mentioned that…” Eddie pursed his lips a little bit as he looked down at his coffee for a moment before taking another sip cautiously.

“Well, there’s been a lot going on. He may not have wanted to worry you.”

“Are you two going to catch up once he’s back?” Bev smiled at the waitress as she returned with their receipt and Eddie glanced at his phone knowing he still needed to text Richie back to figure out exactly when they would be getting together. He’d have to do that once they were done which given the time would be here soon. Bev and Ben would need to get back

“Yeah, we are.”

*


	3. What a Mess we are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie comes over to catch up with Eddie now that he's back in town after his tour. They talk but they don't. And they both realize the other is still struggling with some of their returned memories from the past.

Eddie had felt a hint of nerves when he heard Richie knock on the door. He tried to tell himself there was no reason for it; it was Richie after all. That was exactly the reason he was nervous though.

Some of that eased away for him when he pulled the door open and found Richie standing there giving him one of those know-it-all-asshole smiles. He held up the promised bottle of bourbon in one hand while carrying a bag full of food from the Chinese place down the street in the other as Eddie stepped out of the way to let him inside.

“Eduardo, I hope you’re ready to celebrate cause I’ve come to party at…mediocre levels.” Richie glanced around the place as he moved inside, giving a low whistle as he took the place in.

He looked tired but his normal self otherwise. Bad fashion and that leather jacket that had to be too warm in LA weather. He looked good as he always did, at least in Eddie’s opinion.

“You look like shit.”

“Well, fuck you too. I’m glad I didn’t spring for that extra round of crab rangoons if that’s going to be your attitude.” Eddie closed the door as Richie turned to back step towards the kitchen.

“I’m allergic to shellfish.”

“Like, actually allergic or your mom didn’t want you to eat shellfish sort of allergic because I’m pretty sure I remember you eating a ridiculous amount of honeyed shrimp at Jade of the Orient?” Richie set the bag of food down on the kitchen counter as he gave Eddie a pointed look.

Eddie didn’t remember that. Granted, Eddie had gotten pretty drunk that night and then it was immediately followed up by their fortune cookies turning into miniature monstrosities. There was a moment of silence that seemed to indicate both of their minds had gone to that panicked end to that evening.

_Guess Stanley couldn’t cut it._

Eddie felt that ache in his ribs again and unconsciously pressed a hand to his side as he shook his head to try and free himself of the memory. 

“Well, either way, doesn’t matter. I only got one order and I’ve already claimed them.” Richie cleared his throat and started to pull the food containers out of the bag with a small frown on his face. It was clear they were both trying to move past that recollection and Eddie moved to grab down some of the plates for them to use. When he set them down besides Richie, Eddie heard him scoff in offense.

“What?” Eddie gave Richie an expectant look as he leaned a hip against the counter to look squarely at him. He had stepped closer to him than he had realized, the two of them practically touching, and Eddie had to keep himself from pulling away.

“Are you really going to waste time with plates? The entire point of the take out container is that you just eat straight from them, Eds. Live a little for once.”

“Just take the fucking plate, Rich.” There was a better response than that but Eddie couldn’t think of it in the moment. He was mentally kicking himself; this wasn’t new to him, his feelings for Richie. They’d always been there, that comfort and intimacy had always existed. The only thing that had changed was Eddie now hoped there was some intent for the two of them to act on those feelings with a bit of time.

“Come on, Eds, you’re a free man now and it looks good on you. Embrace it.” Eddie rolled his eyes but felt the heat rise in his face at the likely unintentional compliment. He turned, using the act of putting one of the plates back away as an excuse to put a little more space between them and to hide his embarrassed flush. He stubbornly kept one of the plates out for himself though, gathering it up with some of the containers to carry them over to the living room.

“Come the fuck on but if you make a mess eating from your food from the container, I’m telling Ben it’s your fault.”

“I’m less likely to make a mess eating out of the container that the food is intended to be consumed from rather than taking the time to put it on a plate but cool…” Richie snarked back at him as he gathered the last of the containers and the bourbon to follow him. They placed the food haphazardly on the coffee table before they both sat on the couch.

“Okay, so, tell me everything. Did you have to sneak out of the house? Disappear in the middle of the night before Myra could break your ankles to keep you there? Why didn’t you tell me that the divorce was final at last?” Richie snatched up the bag that contained his crab rangoons as he kicked his shoes off.

“No, it wasn’t like Misery. Jesus, Rich, Myra wasn’t…” Eddie winced as he trailed off. He had been about to say Myra wasn’t that bad but part of him felt that was habit. Maybe Myra hadn’t been one to literally break bones to keep him trapped but she had laid out a lot of guilt. _How could he leave her? What was she supposed to do? Doesn’t he know that she’d die without him? _“I was already out of the house, just had to wait for the paperwork to be signed off and finalized. I never even really went home to stay, I just told her that I wanted a fucking divorce the first chance I got to speak once I was in the door. Grabbed my things and fucking left again.”

He didn’t need to tell Richie all of this. He knew it already; they had talked about the fact that Eddie had told Myra that first night back he wanted to leave. Eddie had maybe not told him how Myra had followed him around, berating him and begging him to stay in turns as he gathered his things. The tears that she’d cried and asked who was going to take care of her. Who was going to take care of _him?_ Because, everyone knew, Eddie couldn’t take care of himself.

Richie was silent for a moment as he took a bite of one of the crab rangoons and eyed him. Eddie tried to ignore it, kept his head down as he carefully scooped himself some of the fried rice before placing the orange chicken on top of it despite the fact his hands were shaking. He felt something nudge his knee, almost causing him to dump some of the chicken onto the table, and he gave Richie a scolding look. Richie nudged him with his socked foot once more and Eddie’s nose wrinkled as he knocked Rich’s foot off the couch.

“Again, you make a mess in this place I’m telling Ben it’s going on your bill. Not mine.”

“You doing okay, Eds?”

Eddie paused at the question and the soft frown on Richie’s face. He took a few seconds to sit back on the couch, plate carefully in hand, as he tried to think it over. Was he okay? Was this okay? Was it just more of that old paranoia that told him something had to be wrong? Even when there was nothing he could pinpoint as being out of place he felt like there must be some shoe waiting to drop.

He looked back at Richie who was still watching him closely. That teasing nature was gone for the moment and it was simply his concern that met Eddie in that second.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…been a lot. Leaving Myra, moving, all of it.” Eddie nudged some of the orange chicken around on his plate for a few seconds. “It’s been a lot of change after everything else…I’ll be right back. I think I need an antacid or something cause I’m pretty sure that I’m getting heart burn or maybe it’s a heart attack, I don’t fucking know.”

It felt like it was going to swallow him all of a sudden, that fear, and he set the plate back down on the table harder than he’d intended. Eddie heard Richie call after him as he got up to rush towards the bathroom, pushed his way inside and opened the medicine cabinet without a thought. He stared at the few bottles of medicine he had kept on the shelf for a moment, slammed the cabinet closed once more and gave a few curses as he leaned down to turn on the sink and splash water on his face.

Once Eddie turned the water back off and stood up to look at himself in the mirror, he found Richie’s reflection behind him leaning against the frame of the bathroom door.

“Okay, let’s take a look.” Eddie frowned as Richie stepped up next to him, close as he leaned to grab the hand towel from the rack. He handed it to Eddie to dry his face with before opening the medicine cabinet. Eddie felt angry, more at himself than anything else, and embarrassed as he glanced over the bottles that were in there still. “Shit, Eds…”

“Look, I know, you don’t have to be an ass. Most of it is unnecessary shit but I couldn’t get rid of all of it. Not right away.” Eddied tried to close the cabinet again but Richie held on to it to keep it open.

“Dude, I saw your fucking medicine bag when we were in Derry. I’m amazed this is all you have. Didn’t you have some prescribed shit?” Richie reached to turn some of the remaining bottle to examine their labels as Eddie squinted at him; tried to tell whether he was pulling his leg or not.

“Yeah, but they were bullshit. I’m trying, okay, but I just…I can’t just be fucking okay like none of this shit happened or like remove my entire reliance on everything. And I AM fucking allergic to shellfish, I think, possibly. Shit I don’t know. Everything was probably just placebos just like the fucking inhaler. And that’s not what this is even about, I’m the asshole in all of this.”

“Yeah, no. Well, I mean, you are a bit of an asshole but not for this, Spaghetti head.” Richie closed the cabinet and turned to cup his hands under Eddie’s jaw lightly. He really was an asshole because at that moment, he kind of wanted to kiss Richie just then.

_ You’re braver than you think. _

“You deserve to be happy. You almost got fingerbanged to death by a giant clown spider all to save my ass. Don’t listen to anything or anyone that says you’re an ass for trying to do something for you.”

Eddie felt Richie’s thumb smooth over his cheek for a second, knew it traced along the scar left by Bowers. He swallowed roughly, tried to find that bravery to lean up towards him but before he could muster it Richie was patting him obnoxiously on the cheek.

“And you’re not fucking allergic to shellfish. You ate an entire spider roll on your own and there wasn’t an EpiPen in sight.”

“You keep your fucking crab wontons away from me, I swear to Christ, Richie-“

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure you do, Eduardo. Come on, let’s go. That bourbon is calling my name.”

Eddie sighed as Richie stepped back out of the bathroom and he found himself able to breath a little again. He also felt himself feeling a bit colder for the distance but Eddie knew better than to let that show. He wiped his face to finish drying it and then carefully hung it back in place before following Richie back out to towards the living room.

“Where’s the glasses?” Richie called back over his shoulder as he continued over to the kitchen again.

“Top left.” Eddie moved to the couch, took the chance to try and regain his fucking composure. He wanted to ask Richie, to bring up that conversation at the hospital and to finally see whether they had really been on the same page. At the same time, Eddie wasn’t certain if he had it in him to possibly hear that he’d been wrong.

It hadn’t felt like he’d been wrong back in the bathroom.

“So, you’re taking some time off from doing shows?” Eddie sat down, watched Richie from the vantage of the couch as he decided to take a different approach. According to Ben and Bev, he wasn’t the only one having trouble adjusting to things.

“Ah, yeah. You know, try and take some time to rework some things. We haven’t really talked since then so I don’t know if you’ve heard but-“ Richie’s voice dropped quiet enough that his words were drown out for a second by the sound of the ice machine on the fridge as he filled the two glasses. Eddie knew well enough what he had said.

“Yeah, I saw the show. I told everyone you didn’t write your own material.” It was a joke but Eddie felt it sounded a bit flat as he said it. Richie gave a soft laugh despite that though, turned to carry the two glasses of ice over and set them on the table with the food.

“You don’t get to blame that one me,” Richie said as he pointed out where some of Eddie’s orange chicken had fallen onto the floor when he’d set his plate down in a hurry early.

“Shit…” Eddie grabbed one of the napkins to clean it up. He knew that Ben wasn’t going to go over the place with a fine-tooth comb to make sure he hadn’t left any marks on anything but Eddie still didn’t want to be responsible for ruining the pristine décor.

“You know, I expected people to be more upset about the fact that I admitted to not writing my own shit than the gay things, really.” He could tell that Richie was still speaking carefully, a bit more cautious than was normal. “Apparently, being gay is the bigger deal for a lot of the other comedians.”

“Well, fuck them then.” Eddie frowned critically at the spoke on the rug where the orange chicken had landed. Dabbed it a couple more times with the napkin before sitting up straight to really look at Richie.

There was a look on his face that caught Eddie off guard. A sad little smile that was there for only a moment before Richie turned to pour some of the bourbon into both of the glasses. Eddie felt a bit like he had a few more people to swing fence posts at after seeing that smile. Richie handed him one of the glasses and then held his out for a toast.

“Fuck ‘em.” Richie said with a smile. Eddie nodded and clinked his glass against Rich’s before they both took a drink.

*

They drank the majority of the bourbon between the two of them. They had fallen into conversation about their lives before their return to Derry for only a short bit. Neither of them seemed to be all that keen to discuss what had been even if it hadn’t all been bad. There was a general sense that, despite being successful, there were those major flaws that kept them from being truly happy.

Eddie was feeling pleasantly buzzed as they sat on the couch now, E.T. playing on the television after they’d come across it playing on one of Ben’s fifty million channels. Eddie’s feet were tucked in next to Richie’s hip and in turn Rich had his feet resting against Eddie’s right shoulder after he’d made a point of how much taller he was. The food had been picked over completely and, after a lot of arguing back and forth, Eddie had even eaten one of the damn wontons.

Apparently, he wasn’t allergic to shellfish. He wasn’t really convinced he liked it though.

Eddie could feel himself nodding off now and then, a companionable silence having fallen over them as they watched E.T. try and kidnap some kids into outer space on their bikes. 

“So, if he could literally make them all fly at any time why did he let them go so long with the cops trying to literally run them over?” Richie spoke up as the five bikes flew across the sun and Eddie gave a snort of amusement.

“What’s his name had to think it first to give him the idea. I think…look, none of it was thought through all that well. I mean, half of them aren’t even peddling anymore.” Eddie had to fight to stifle a yawn. He had no idea how late it was and wasn’t certain it mattered since he’d not been able to sleep well lately anyway.

“They don’t have to be peddling, Eds, they aren’t the ones making their bikes move at this point. They’re stupid if they are still peddling; you’d be one of the stupid kids still peddling because you’d be convinced it was the only way for you to stay up there.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Eddie gave Richie a soft shove with his feet as the kids on the screen all landed back on solid earth with the sun suddenly and conveniently set. “You think E.T. ever told them that they’d float too?”

Richie met his gaze for a second as they stared at each other and then they both broke down into laughter. It wasn’t a good kind of laughter but it was maybe a little bit of a relief nonetheless. The two of them doubled over with it and Eddie felt that pain in his chest once more as a distant ache. His permanent reminder that hadn’t faded like the scars on their hands.

“Eduardo, I think…just possibly, that you’ve had enough for the night.” Richie finally choked the words out, reaching to snag Eddie’s glass away from him even though it had barely anything more than bourbon flavored water left in it. Richie downed the remaining dredges in one go, draining what was left before swinging his feet down to the floor to stand up unsteadily. “And I’ve definitely had enough and I think it might just be time to sleep it off. You got some spare sheets and I can take the couch?”

“Yeah, I’ll grab some and leave them out for you.” Eddie nodded as he stood and regretted the tangent movements as the world spun around him a bit. Maybe he’d had a little too much. His liver was going to hate him.

Once he felt steady enough, he went over to what he’d found was a linen closet the other day and sorted through to pull out some sheets. He heard the kitchen sink run for a few moments behind him as Richie rinsed off the plate and glasses. Eddie turned to look back at him once he’d grabbed the extra blankets and pillow down from the shelves.

Richie was setting the few items into the dish washer, a soft frown on his face in the moments he didn’t realize Eddie was looking at him. The second he glanced up and saw him though, Eddie watched the smile spread back on his face.

“Think this will be good?” Eddie indicated the blankets in his hands as he side-stepped away from the closet and nudged it closed behind him.

“Yeah, that will be fine. Thanks, Spaghetti head.” Eddie nodded, felt like there was more to say but he didn’t really know the words so he moved to set the stack down on the edge of the couch.

“Night, Richie.” Eddie stepped back towards the bedroom as Richie stifled a yawn as he moved to dig through his bag.

“Night, Eds.”

*

_Time to float._

Eddie startled awake, disoriented in the darkness of the bedroom. He groaned as he shook off the last dredges of the dream. It was his own fault for bringing up It during the movie. He sighed as he laid back down, staring up at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes once more.

He heard something from out in the living room and Eddie frowned as he listened closely. The sound came again and Eddie shifted to sit back up as he realized it was Richie’s voice sounding quiet but panicked. It might not have been just his own nightmare that had woken him up.

Eddie shifted out of bed when he heard the distressed noise again. He gave a curse as he managed to stub his toe against the dresser as he past. He tried to swallow it down as he pulled the bedroom door open and looked out into the living room. It was a little brighter out there without the black out curtains and Eddie was able to see the shape of the couch.

“No…” Richie sounds scared in a way that Eddie hadn’t heard since those moments of startled surprise when they’d both realized he’d been stabbed.

“Richie, hey…”

Eddie moved over to the couch, saw Richie come into view sprawled on the couch giving a choked sound that broke Eddie’s heart a little. _The deadlights_. Eddie leaned down to give Richie’s shoulders a gentle shake to try and wake him up, wanted to get him free of whatever terror had found him in his sleep.

“Richie.” He spoke a little more forcibly this time and Richie startled out of sleep, hands coming up to grab Eddie’s shirt as he seemed uncertain whether he was going to push him away or pull him closer. “Hey, hey…it’s okay, it’s just me. You were having a bad dream, Rich.”

“Eddie?” There was thick confusion in Richie’s voice mixed with that same panic as he seemed to try and focus on him. Eddie had just enough time to think that Richie probably needed his glasses to see clearly that it was him before they were tumbling. Richie had pulled him down, shoving him back behind him but seeming to forget he was on the couch which caused them both to slid down to the floor between the couch and coffee table.

“Fuck, Richie. Jesus,” Eddie cursed as he tried to push himself back up but Richie was crowding him. He leaned to smack him lightly on the shoulder but stopped when he saw the expression on Richie’s face, realized that in their spill Rich had still pushed himself to be between Eddie and some perceived threat that he seemed confused was no longer there.

It. Except It was gone. And they weren’t in the sewers, they weren’t in Neibolt or even Derry anymore. This seemed to set in as Richie squinted out into the darkness, clearly realizing those exact things.

“Shit. Fuck. I’m sorry, Eds. Shit, there’s nothing there.” Richie ran a hand over his face as he spoke and Eddie leaned quietly to grab his glasses from where they sat on the coffee table. He had just picked them up when he heard the sob break out of Richie and Eddie nearly froze in place. It was that sad smile from earlier again, the crack in Richie’s unfazed exterior as Eddie watched his shoulders shake with another shuddering breath.

“Hey…” Eddie shifted to sit in front of him, pulled him in close feeling at a loss but knowing he wanted to chase whatever this was away. Protect Richie from it the best he could. Richie’s arms slipped around him as he buried his face against Eddie’s shoulder, gave another sob that was uncontrolled and earth shattering. “It’s okay, Rich, it’s okay…”

“Shit, I’m sorry. Give me a few drinks and I’m a fucking mess…” Richie trailed off into more sobs and Eddie just held onto him tighter.

“Hey, I was a mess even before the drinks so I think we’re fair and square,” Eddie said as he rested his cheek on top of Richie’s head. He heard him give a soft laugh that broke through the sobs for just a second. Richie started to say something in return but stopped short as he let silence fall between them.

Eddie held on to Richie until he felt the last remaining shaking sobs leave him and even then, he held on for a bit longer. He only pulled away when he felt Richie heave a quiet sigh and without looking at him so that Richie had time to wipe any remaining tears from his face, Eddie leaned to carefully snag his glasses off the table. He looked exhausted like he was already half asleep again when Eddie turned back to hand the glasses to him so he could shove them back on his face.

“Come on.” Eddie untangled them, ignored the curious look on Richie’s face as he stood and offered him his hands to help pull him up to his feet. Both of them needed sleep and Eddie knew he’d sleep better knowing that Richie wasn’t out here on his own having more of those nightmares. It also wasn’t like they weren’t used to being in each other’s space so this wouldn’t be any different. “Ben’s bed is basically an entire studio apartment on its own. We’ll just share it.”

“Are you asking me to sleep with you, Eds?” Richie tried for that teasing tone and Eddie could feel a bit of heat rise up in his cheeks at the suggestive question. He could hear a hint of uncertainty in Richie’s voice though, could still hear those fragile pieces of emotion beneath the surface that told him that he still wasn’t alright despite the tears having ended.

“You know, I’m too fucking tired to even argue with you right now. Count yourself lucky I’m not regulating you to the floor.” Eddie huffed a little as they stepped into the bedroom and he heard Richie’s soft laugh. It made him smile a little to hear it, less of that sadness leeching its way into Richie’s voice as they both moved to opposite sides of the bed to climb under the covers.

Eddie got settled into place, aware and listening to Richie doing the same on the other side of the bed. Heard the click of him setting his glasses down on the nightstand once more and then felt his weight rest on the mattress close enough Eddie could feel the hint of his warmth. Not quite touching, the two of them back to back in the darkness.

Eddie closed his eyes, shifted just a bit to get more comfortable. If it happened to make it so his back pressed against Richie’s, it was a coincidence. Just like it was a coincidence that Eddie got the best night’s sleep he’d had in a long time with Richie lying close besides him.


	4. Not Ready to Mingle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie almost talks with Richie but not quite. Still, after their first rocky night of catching up the two of them start to fall into a routine together as they sort their individual lives out.

Morning had come slow for the first time in a long time. Eddie stirred, felt warm as he curled around his pillow. Or at least he had assumed it was his pillow at first until he slowly realized that pillows didn’t typically snore quietly, warm breath brushing against his shoulder. He cracked his eyes open, tried not to move too much so that he didn’t stir Richie awake, and looked at him.

Richie was curled up tightly next to him, face buried against his shoulder with his hair tickling Eddie’s chin. They were entwined around each other, legs tangled as they curled in as if trying to be as close as possible. He felt a flush that was a mix of embarrassment and a quiet rush of happiness. He carefully tilted his head, nuzzled softly into Richie’s hair for a selfish moment. He’d have to wake them up, have to hope Richie wasn’t thrown off by how close they’d gotten over the course of the night.

Eddie sighed, took in the slight hint of some sort of spice that seemed to cling to Richie’s hair, and closed his eyes for a few moments. He felt some of that pleasant contentment fade, felt it darken into a hint of dread as he went over the night before in his mind once more. Eddie didn’t know how to broach the conversation in regards to what had been said in the hospital. Wasn’t certain if this could be a segue into it. If he was wrong, if he’d read it wrong and if Richie truly did have someone…Eddie tightened his hold on Richie a little.

“I know I’m like a big teddy bear but you squeeze any harder and its going to be more than stuffing that pops out. Especially after all that alcohol last night.” Richie’s mumbled and sleep filled voice interrupted Eddie’s thoughts as he felt a flush of embarrassment. Despite the words, he felt Richie’s arms tightly a little around him in return and they seemed to linger there for a second before Rich finally pulled away. “You seen my glasses, mystery stranger? Cause I can’t see shit without them and I’m pretty sure I fell asleep with them on last night.”

“Why the hell didn’t you take them off?” Eddie frowned as he froze in place, scared of rolling over onto Richie’s glasses and managing to damage them somehow. Richie didn’t seem to take as much care as he started patting around at the blankets and pillows in search of them.

“What can I say, I just wanted to make sure I could see your cute face, Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie reached over and lightly smacked at Eddie’s face as if he thought his glasses might be there somehow. Eddie smacked his hand away and finally rolled over to turn on the light with a curse.

“It was pitch black, asshole, you wouldn’t have been able to see my face either way.” Eddie still could feel a bit of heat in his cheeks as he looked back, shifting the blankets to try and help Richie find his glasses. There was a soft clatter as something finally fell free from the sheets and down onto the floor. Richie squinted with focus down at the floor to see if he could find them and Eddie just rolled his eyes as he shifted out of the bed. “Honestly, how do you function?”

“Very carefully. And truth be told, dumb luck. I’ve broken and lost more glasses than you can count.”

Eddie bent and picked the glasses up from where they’d fallen and gave them a critical look before cleaning them on his shirt. Richie was trying to untangle himself from the bed sheets now that he’d gotten himself wrapped up in them during the search. He got free just as Eddie finished getting the smear marks off his glasses and he dropped his feet to the floor and held his hands out expectantly. Eddie eyed him, not willing to just hand the glasses over to get smudged all over again, and he instead stepped closer so he could slide them in place on Richie’s face.

It settled over Eddie what he’d done as Richie blinked back at him. He lightly patted Richie on the cheek before turning to head towards the kitchen without another word. Felt that nervous swarm of butterflies in his gut once more as he heard Richie scramble to get up and follow him. He wanted to work up the nerve, the guts to start the conversation that was the entire reason he had chosen to move out to California in the first place. Wanted to find out once and for all if this was really something that could be; something more than just wishful thinking and misunderstanding rolled into one.

As Eddie stepped into the kitchen, focus on the coffee pot and how to phrase the question that was on his tongue, Richie spoke up instead.

“So, when are we going to go out? Cause I can definitely show you the best…well, the better places to go around here. Hell, I can even wingman for you.” Richie spoke the words between a yawn and Eddie frowned at him from over his shoulder as he got the coffee pot set up. He had assumed Ben would have had one of those fancy ones that could make fifty different drinks depending on the tiny cups you put inside them. Instead, it was an old-fashioned coffee pot that still used paper filters and loose coffee grounds.

“What?”

“I’d make a great wing man for you, Eds. Straight girls love gay guys…at least that’s what I’ve always heard. I’m sort of knew to the whole thing but that’s all beside the point anyway. We have twenty-seven years of hanging out to make up for now that you’re here. There’s this place down by the pier that I think you’re going to love if you can get over the fact that it’s an open-air restaurant. I’m sure that breaks some sort of ‘health code’ to you but it had _the _best burgers.” 

Eddie stood, pouring water into the reservoir as Richie rambled behind him in that casual way of his. Fast paced with a hint of humor in his voice. He couldn’t focus past that initial statement; couldn’t get quite past the fact that he knew for certain now that Richie definitely thought he was straight.

“I’m not really looking to hook up with women, Richie.” Eddie said it with a frowned without really thinking it through. He set the coffee pot into place and stabbed at the brew button before turning to look back at Rich who had gone quiet.

“You should get back out there, Eds.”

“I’m not…I don’t. So, what, am I supposed to be your wing man now?” Eddie stumbled through the words sounding more confrontational than he really had intended. Richie look a bit confused as he shook his head, pulling back a bit like he needed some distance. “Or have you already met someone?”

“Me? No…just not. Looking. You know. It’s hard right now with everything and I’m still sort of trying to figure some things out in my head now that I’m Out. And, even if I wasn’t, I know the media is going to be going crazy with this and starting something right now just wouldn’t really work, you know? Like, not if that person doesn’t want to get swamped. And how do you tell if someone really wants to be with you and not just with the fact that they can get their name in the news? Besides, with your puppy dog eyes I’d be lucky if I got a pity flirt?”

“Well, how about we just go out together? Like you said, we’ve got twenty-seven years to make up for.” Eddie swallowed roughly as he spoke wished he had left it with that first sentence and seen what Richie would have taken from it. Still watched him carefully to see how he’d end up interpreting it. Richie gave him a long look, the silence stretching between them for a few beats before a small smile gave to Richie’s face.

“Yeah, of course, Eds.” Eddie gave a short nod of his head, turning back to pull down two coffee cups from the cabinet without another word. “So, you got a job out here or…?”

“Yeah. I start in a couple more days.” Eddie sighed as he worked on pouring them both some of the coffee. “Is there something you want for breakfast?”

“Nah, I’m not really a morning eater most the time. I’m good with just some coffee.” Richie took the cup from him when Eddie offered it. “You do more of that risk management then? Gonna tell other people how to live boringly?”

“Not healthy to skip breakfast. Have some fucking toast or bacon or something at least.” Eddie gave Richie a disapproving scowl as he moved to the fridge to figure out what he could make. No wonder Richie looked like shit so often if he didn’t even both to eat in the mornings. “And, yes, I mean, no, asshole. I assess risks for insurance companies. Look, it might not be as glamorous as your gig but it’s what I’m good at doing. It pays the bills and it utilizes my business degree.”

“Wow, you really sold me on what an interesting job it is. Tell me more how much you love it.” Richie spoke into his coffee with a bland tone of voice, finishing off the comment with a long loud sip and raised eyebrows. Eddie raised a single finger salute in his direction, tried to think of some sort of come back but failing as his mind circled around the direction of their conversation. He pulled the fridge open and dragged the loaf of bread out, distractedly pulling out a couple of slices to drop them into the toaster.

“I don’t have to love it, Rich, I’ve just got to do something to make ends meet. Myra basically took all the savings we had in the divorce. Even if she hadn’t, I would have had to return to work eventually.” Eddie huffed softly as he waited for the toaster to pop back up. He grabbed the butter from the fridge next, working on an old habit he hadn’t even realized he’d remembered.

“Well, I mean, if you have a business degree you could do something different with that?” Richie’s tone was a little softer, less teasing and more serious this time as he made the suggestion. Tried to be helpful. Eddie leaned a hip against the counter as he turned to look back at him. “Fresh start, Eds. You could go all the way with it. Nothing’s stopping you.”

“That’s a nice ideal, Rich, but…I told Ben and Bev the same thing. I don’t even know what I’d do.” The toaster popped and Eddie startled a little at the sound of it. He caught Richie’s smirk of amusement before he turned, grabbing the slices and replacing them with two more to get started. He buttered the two, still-warm slices of toast and then pulled down a small jar of cinnamon sugar that he used to dust the top.

Something they had made as kids. A treat on a budget.

Eddie leaned back to hand Richie the plate as the toaster popped a second time. This time he managed to not get startled by the sound of it as he set about getting the two slices prepared for him.

“Shit, cinnamon toast. I haven’t thought about this in forever.” 

“Well, you wouldn’t have, dipshit. We forgot most everything from out childhood until recently.” Eddie took the time to put the butter, bread and cinnamon jar away before turning back to Richie once more with the intent of sharing their toast together. Richie was taking a large bite of his toast with a happy look of nostalgia on his face that made Eddie feel secretly pleased with himself.

“Okay, so, now that we’ve established that neither of us necessarily want to mingle. I’ll show you around town, show you the good places to go and some of the bad places too. You’re going to hate it here, Eds.”

Eddie bit into his own toast as Richie talked and felt like he could never hate a place if Richie was there. Well…he could maybe hate a place a little but Richie would make him hate it just that small bit less.

*

Showing him around turned into Richie asking him most nights if he wanted to go for drinks or dinner. Even once work started, they inevitably ended up at some out of the way dive or parked on his couch eating take out. Eddie got the sense that these might not have been Richie’s regular places. Some of them had seemed almost like last minute finds but he didn’t want to push and ask why.

The truth was that Eddie had sort of figured out why Richie was showing him around to spots that weren’t necessarily his regular haunts. He knew he was avoiding people, including his agent who Richie had ignored phone calls from on more than one occasion in his presence, as well as the other comedians he had toured with.

A few nights had passed since they’d last hung out, gone to a small little Korean barbecue place that had ended up being fantastic. Eddie had been able to tell something was weighing on Richie then and hadn’t heard much from him since. It was enough of a shift that it had Eddie worried but he knew that Richie had been trying to sort out how best to make the changes he wanted made.

He was sitting at work trying to finish up a report despite the fact that he was finding it all felt like such a slog already. It had only been a few weeks since he’d started but they had thrown him into it quickly given his experience. He thought it would be alright at first, that he’d settle in but that wasn’t really the case.

The problem was that Eddie still didn’t know what else he might want to do with himself if he didn’t stick with this but the longer that he sat there in that office day by day, the more certain he was that he wanted to do something different. He blinked as his phone chimed beside him and he leaned back in his chair as he picked it up to read the text message that had come through.

Eddie stared at the message with a small frown on his face for a few moments. He got the sense this was more than just a casual decision to take him to a comedy bar. Wondered if this was less Richie’s idea and more his agents. Or if Richie was trying to make some steps back into his own career based on his terms. Eddie pursed his lips as he typed out a response and quickly got a reply back.

Richie’s response, short and to the point without any sort of teasing or prodding made Eddie worry a little bit more. He sent a quick affirmative back that seven would work and set his phone down with a sigh. He hoped that it would go better than Richie seemed to feel it was going to from his previous comments.

“Kaspbrak, how’s that report coming?” Eddie sat up a bit straighter as he heard his boss’s voice. The man himself appeared a few moments later, leaning to look at the report that Eddie was trying to compile.

“Should be done soon, sir.”

“Good. Just because you’re new doesn’t mean I want you slacking. When you’re done there’s a project out by the pier, I’ll need you to start work on next week. They’re trying to insure a new business out there and I want it to be air tight before we even think of doing so. Especially with this global warming bullshit. Give our guys everything they can to work with to make sure we aren’t going to get screwed over on this.”

It wasn’t anything new but Eddie had to admit, it bothered him more now. Bothered new life Eddie who wasn’t doing things simply because they were expected of him. His job was to anticipate every potential problem; judge just how much the poor schmuck getting insured was going to have to pay in. How much they could get out of them and how little could they justify paying out if something _did_ happen.

It was the same as before but Eddie absolutely found his skin crawling every time one of his coworkers talked about it so blatantly.

“Of course, Mr. Huckle. I’ll start pulling up the information on that one as soon as I’m done with this report.” Eddie gave a nod, tried to will his boss away so that he could focus. He heard his phone buzz again and it drew Huckle’s attention as it lit up the screen with another message from Richie. Eddie did his best to ignore it as his boss hovered, eyes narrowed at the phone for a moment.

“You know, Kaspbrak, if you need more work…”

“No sir, I apologize for the interruption. Still dealing with some things from the move and unfortunately not all of them respect the time frame I stated I was available. I’ll get that report to you as soon as possible.” Eddie picked up his phone and opened his drawer to drop it in there to make the point. Huckle eyed him for a moment before giving him a wide smile that felt more like a baring of his teeth.

“Not a problem at all, Kaspbrak. I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ve done with that report. Remember, being new doesn’t excuse slacking off.”

“No sir, of course not.” Eddie waited, held his breath for a few long moments as Huckle finally walked away. He eyed the drawer where he’d put his phone, was tempted to pull it out to see what Richie had said this time but knew better. Huckle had already proven to be observant and had made it clear that he felt there should be no interruption during the work day. Eddie would have maybe admired that once when he’d had it as an excuse not to answer Myra’s every whim.

Now, it rather loathed the fact that even a two second break to tell Richie he’d see him later was seen as being a waste of time. He sat staring at the report on his screen for a few second longer before pulling the drawer open just enough that he could wake his phone without pulling it out. The screen lit up to show him the text from Richie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little more of a filler chapter as these two start kind of falling back into their highly altered lives. The next chapter will be a bit meatier! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and, as always, comments are appreciated :) <3


	5. Defend your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie's trip to the comedy club doesn't go exactly to plan. That is both a good and a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a scene with some homophobic slurs spouted by a couple of asshole characters. If you'd like to skip over that part stop reading when Richie says "Shit..." during the open mic night intermission and skip until you see and you can start again when you see "It's on your tab. Go."   
There will be a brief summary of what happens in the end of chapter notes.

Richie had come to his place like planned and Eddie was immediately able to pick up on his nervous energy as he walked in through the door. He was dressed in his worst floral print and jeans, replacement leather jacket tugged tight around him by his hands that he had shoved into the front pockets. Eddie could recognize the self-comfort in the stance. It made Eddie feel angry on his behalf, was certain that Richie wasn’t this self-conscious for no reason given they were going to potentially be around a bunch of his old comedian friends. 

The term ‘friends’ was used loosely there from what Eddie had gathered so far. Not everyone in his circle had been assholes, Richie had mentioned a few people who had been encouraging and supportive within that tight knit group. But, his comedy had landed with a certain demographic and so he’d been around comedians that shared that same demographic. Richie had warned him that there might be some insults thrown his way. 

“I can handle myself, Eds, I just want you to know ahead of time cause there’s a chance you’ll be dragged into it simply because you’re with me. If you’d rather not deal with that shit, I get it, cause I’d rather not deal with that shit either. I’d rather just tell them all to go fuck themselves but at the same time I don’t want to just toss everything aside to avoid some pricks who want to be assholes about this.” 

They had parked a little ways down the street at a free lot and were walking towards the small bar. _The Laughing Jackal _apparently was where Richie had gotten his start; where a lot of comedians got their start while more established comedians came to see the up and coming talent on open mic nights. Eddie could understand his desire not to feel chased off from somewhere that had likely been home to Richie for a long time. Still, he was carrying himself in that closed off way that said he hardly felt like he was returning home at the moment as he spoke quietly under his breath. 

“Richie, are you sure you want to do this?” Eddie asked not because he wanted to back out but because he didn’t want Richie to feel he had to face this now. Eddie was more than happy to be by his side despite his own nerves at the thought of facing the sort of bigotry that had kept him silent about his identity for so long. Still wasn’t exactly honest about it in any sort of vocal way. Hell, he hadn’t even been able to broach the subject of his feelings for Richie with him yet and it had been more than just a couple weeks now. 

“What? Yeah. I mean...unless you don’t want to. We can always go back to your place if you’re not feeling up to being my wingman on this, Eds, cause I completely get it. The last thing you probably need right now is more bullshit after the time you’ve had these last few-”

“Richie.” Eddie came to a stop, the door to the bar not far away and the bouncer outside looked at them curiously for a moment. Richie sighed as he stopped too, bounced on his toes a little in front of him. “I’m more than happy to be your wingman on this. I’ve got your back, remember? I just want to know that _you_ are ready to do this.” 

“Fuck, man.” Richie sighed as he glanced down the sidewalk towards the bar. “I do, I mean...this is _my place_. I can’t just stop going everywhere I used to go or doing the things I used to do. I don’t want to do that. It’s just...I know these guys. I’ve already heard their opinions and can just guess the sort of bullshit they’re going to throw at me all in the name of _joking around_. I used to grin and bear it, hell, I used to join in, just so that they wouldn’t suspect, and it feels a bit like throwing myself into the lion’s den here.” 

“Rich, what did you tell me in the sewers?” Eddie set his hands on Richie’s shoulders, felt him still some of his nervous fidgeting under the touch. Richie made a face at him, nose crinkled in embarrassment and a fake gag as if he couldn’t handle the sentimentality of it. “You said-”

“-you’re braver than you think. Yeah, yeah, I remember. What’s with you people and throwing my words back at me?” Richie shook his head, eyes focused down at the ground rather than on him and without thinking about it Eddie cupped his face in his hands to make him look up. To make Richie meet his eyes. He saw a well of emotion there, a fear that Eddie wished he could chase away, if only it wasn’t so damn similar to his own. 

“Losers have each other’s backs. I’ve got you on this, Richie. You shouldn’t have to give up your places just because some assholes can’t accept you for who you are. Not to mention, you’re going to be a hell of a lot funnier than them now that you’ll be writing your own shit again.” 

“Thanks Eddie.” Richie said it quietly with a little huff of laughter, his hand lifting to rest gently on Eddie’s wrist. He realized how close they were for the first time, how intimate it was for him to be cupping Richie’s face like this. Eddie wanted nothing more than to kiss him, to pull him forward and make it incredibly obvious just what he’d meant when he’d said he loved him too. 

Instead, Eddie dropped his hands and took a step back; couldn’t quite gauge if it was relief or disappointment he saw in Richie’s face as he did. He knew he needed to take his own advice, well, that he needed to take Richie’s advice that he had just fed back to him. It was a lot easier said than done though especially with that nugget of doubt in the back of his mind. 

“Come on, I need a drink.” Eddie nodded his head towards the door but let Richie take the lead; let him decide, at last, that he really wanted to go inside. If he’d turned around and said he didn’t want to do it, Eddie would have gone along with that as well. Would have walked back to where they had parked Richie’s car and pay to pick up take-out once again for them to take back to his place. 

“Richie, long time no see.” The bouncer greeted them, a large guy who looked like he moonlit as a hipster on his days off. He did an admirable job at pretending he hadn’t been watching them curiously the entire time as he held a closed fist up for Richie to bump with his own. Richie seemed to relax a little with the greeting, their first barrier apparently passed without any issue. 

“Well, you know, kind of felt like taking a break from the place. It’s good to see you though, Anthony. This is my friend, Eddie, he just moved to town.” 

Eddie felt a bit nervous as Anthony gave him a once over like he was trying to determine if Eddie was worthy of Richie’s time. He gave him a smile after a moment though and offered him his knuckles to bump as well. 

“Nice to meet you, Eddie. Just a heads up, Kevin and Jeff are here tonight. They’ve both been cracking a lot of unacceptable jokes, man, even with Liz telling them to knock it off. If they give you shit, you let me know.” 

Richie winced at the mention and glanced back down the sidewalk like he wanted to bolt. He didn’t though as he turned to pat Anthony on the shoulder before he lead the way inside. 

“Thanks for the warning, Ant, I’ll definitely let you know.” 

Inside, the place was packed compared to what Eddie had expected. Most bars he had gone to in New York had been quiet, hole in the wall type places he knew no one would ever expect to see him. Mini-escapes from his life that were full of jazz and not much else. Here, all the tables were packed to the point that there seemed to be standing room only. There was a mic set up on a small stage towards the front, lights focused on it even though no one was currently occupying the space. 

Eddie blinked as he felt Richie take his wrist in hand, followed him as he led them through the crowd towards the bar that seemed just as packed. He was aware of a few groups of people who stopped to watch them past, of some whispered conversations that either picked up or came to an abrupt end as they drew near. In the overall cacophony of the place it wouldn’t have been noticeable but when you were the ones at the center of that small ripple of attention it felt like neon lights. And Eddie knew that, if he noticed it than Richie definitely had. 

Richie moved them through the crowd with practiced ease despite the tense smile on his face as they finally reached the bar. A couple of stools were open with just a few people in between that he politely but tensely asked if they’d scoot down at least one. Once they had complied, Richie let go of his wrist and they took their places. There were still some stares, still some hushed conversations that filled in the spaces of laughter and loud talking to be heard over the general din. 

“Richie fucking Tozier. I was starting to think I was never going to see you again!” The voice came from behind the bar as one of the bartenders stepped out of the way a woman with a wild mess of curls and hawaiin shirt loud enough to make Richie proud. She leaned over the bar to wrap her arms around him as Richie gave a laugh; a genuine laugh as he leaned to return the embrace. 

“Hey, Liz, sorry it’s been a while.” 

The rest of their words were lost to him as Eddie sat and tried to not feel like he was intruding. They embraced for a few long moments; a conversation obviously passed between them during that time as when they pulled back Liz gave Richie a soft pat on the cheek like a small sign of comfort. It seemed that Richie at least had some support here which eased Eddie’s mind a little. 

“That is an ugly ass shirt you’re wearing tonight, Liz.” Richie sat back down, gave Eddie a look that was more relaxed than before, as he got flipped off by Liz. 

“Got it at Target if you’re interested.” 

“Duly noted. This is Eddie. He’s an old friend; we’ve known each other since we were kids.” Richie introduced him with a half-shouted tumble of words over the crowd. Eddie got that same scrutinizing look from Liz that Anthony had given him at the door. 

“Any friend of Richie’s is a friend of mine as well. It’s nice to meet you, Eddie. What are you two having?” 

There was a tap on the microphone up front that drew the crowd’s attention as they put in their orders for drink. Eddie turned on the stool some so he could see the stage where a young guy had gotten up with a shirt with the bar’s name scrawled on the front of it had gotten up to speak. 

“As you all know, Amatuer Open Mic Night will start in just a few minutes. If you were wanting a spot on stage and you haven’t signed up yet, well, you’re fuck out of luck. If your name is Simon, well, you’re up first so you better hope everyone’s had enough to drink already to find your shit funny. We’ll get going in about five minutes.” 

There was a small eruption of cheers and jeers from the crowd as the announcer bounced back off stage. Eddie glanced in Richie’s direction, assumed he had known what tonight would be, and saw that with everyone’s focus suddenly drawn to the stage the last of the tension in his shoulders had drained away. Eddie hoped that all that worry had been for nothing; that they’d have a nice night out together and Richie would be able to reclaim this piece. 

*

Eddie watched Richie as he relaxed as more time went on without anyone seeming intent on causing problems. The comedians that made their way to the stage were hit or miss on whether they were good or not. At one point, Richie had put his hand on Eddie’s knee to lean close and explain why the crowd had started booing one particular participant. 

“He’s using someone else’s material. He literally thought he could get up there to use someone else’s routine and nobody would notice. We get a few from time to time.” Richie spoke in his ear over the din of the complaints. The same employee who had announced the open mic night jogging up on stage to make a crack about how even rude people apparently could recognize and rip off talent before announcing that there would be a small intermission. 

There had been a few people who had given Richie a greeting or had stepped up to talk to him for a short bit. There had also been a few people who had walked past multiple times but never bothered to say a thing even as Richie’s eyes followed them with obvious recognition. If it hadn’t been for the way Liz was clearly hovering in their area behind the bar and a few snatched bits of overheard conversation, Eddie could have almost believed Richie had been worried for no reason. 

“Shit…” 

Eddie heard Richie mutter the word under his breath as he ducked his head a little. He was about to ask what was going on as he saw Richie lock up, shoulders tensing once more as he downed the remaining bourbon in his glass, but a voice called out purposefully loud and booming over the sound of the crowd. 

“If it isn’t the Gay Wonder himself! Tozier, where the fuck have you been?” 

“Rich, you got this?” Liz asked the question without making any attempt to be quiet about it herself and Richie just nodded his head.

“Yeah, yeah. I got it. It’s cool.” 

Eddie watched him, could practically see the shift in him as he turned with a tense smile. It was the first time Eddie really realized just how fake his smile had been in all those comedy specials. How tense he had been saying someone else’s jokes up on the stage. That was the Richie who turned to face the two men that approached through the crowd. 

“Avoiding your ugly mug, that’s for sure, Kevin.” Richie gave a smile that was a bit more like he was baring his teeth. A little too tense and irritation below the surface. 

“Says the four-eyed fag.” 

Eddie saw Richie go completely still besides him, that smile faltering as he seemed to freeze in place. Eddie bristled himself at the comment, stood up from the stool to stand next to Richie to make a point that he wasn’t on his own. It earned him a look from the other guy who followed behind the Kevin guy. 

Eddie didn’t care as he felt all those years of silent anger rise to the surface in Richie’s defense. Derry had been a battlefield in more ways than one; the rest of the world shouldn’t have been the same. The only thing that made him bite his tongue was the brush of Richie’s hand against his, intentional and subtle and a silent request that he let it be. 

“You bailed on us on the final leg of the tour there, Tozier. Up and leave out of nowhere and come back to announce you’ve gone queer.” 

“I told you both I left because of a family emergency-” Richie seemed to shake him out of that state of quiet shock enough to try and defend himself weakly. By this point, everyone in the area had eyes on them as the two assholes squared up in front of them. 

“An identity crisis, more like.” 

“Yeah, way to commit career suicide there, Richie. The one-two punch of telling everyone you can’t write your own material and that you’re a literal cocksucker was impressive.” 

“Why don’t you go fuck yourselves, assholes? Eds, let’s go.” Richie bit the words out, any attempt at sounding cordial gone. When he moved to nudge Eddie off to the side so they could start through the crowd, Louis grabbed Richie’s arm to stop him. 

“Hey now, we’re just joking with you, Tozier. Calm down. Can’t you take a fucking joke?” 

Eddie pushed between them, that defensive anger boiling in his chest as he saw the expression on Richie’s face and felt the twist of his own fear and hurt. Louis let Richie go, held his hands up in the defensive like Eddie had taken a swing rather than just stepping between them. 

“Louis, Kevin. Back the fuck off or get the fuck out.” Liz called out from behind the counter. Louis seemed to take this somewhat seriously but Kevin just kept his eyes on the two of them; a smile on his face like he still thought it was all just a big joke.

“Hey, tell me, how much is he paying you for the chance to suck you off, _Eds_?” 

Eddie didn’t even consciously think as he swung at Kevin; only fully realized he’d done it when it sunk in that Kevin was on the floor and his hand stung from the hit. The place fell silent except for those few who were far enough back from the bar not to realize what had happened through the crowd. 

“Holy shit, Eddie.” 

“You fucking fag, I’m going to kick your a-” Louis never got the finish the sentence or the swing he was winding up for as Richie hit him square in the jaw and sent him stumbling back against one of the tables. They both stood there in slight shock for a moment before Richie looked back desperately at the bar. 

“Liz?”

“It’s on your tab. Go.” 

Eddie didn’t wait as he saw Kevin working on getting up from the floor. He grabbed Richie’s arm as he turned and the two of them shouldered their way through the crowd. Most people parted out of their way, seemed not to want anything to do with the situation, and they burst out into the night air a few moments later and startled Ant who was about to come through the door to see what the commotion was. He seemed to fit the pieces together quickly as he stepped out of their way. 

“Get going. I’ll deal with them.” 

“Thanks Ant. I owe you,” Richie said as he ducked past. Eddie followed and they started down the sidewalk towards the parking lot. When it seemed like they weren’t being immediately pursued from inside the bar they slowed, the two of them catching their breaths as they paused. Richie bent over, hands on his knees as he seemed to be fighting the impulse to get sick. 

Eddie tried to gauge whether Richie was actually going to get sick, placed a hand on his back to steady him. Richie glanced up at him and when their eyes met they both burst into laughter. Richie kept his head between his knees for a few seconds long before he stood up, stretched out his back as they bumped shoulders. 

“Shit, Eddie, where’d you learn to fucking throw a punch? You laid him the fuck out.” Richie let himself stumble back to lean against the brick wall of the building for a moment and Eddie stuck close to him; the two of them still half lost in relieved laughter. 

“Guess all that Tae Bo actually worked.” Richie paused to look at him and then they both burst into laughter again, heads bowed close together. 

“Fuck you, Ant! We own this fucking place! You tell that fucking asshole that if I see him again I’m going to kick his ass!” Down the street they heard the door suddenly burst open to the bar, Louis and Kevin stumbling out with loud curses as Ant followed after them. Eddie felt all that relief evaporate with a spike of fear. Richie grabbed hold of his jacket, pulled him around to shove Eddie into the nearby alley way. 

“Liz says you’re not welcome back, either of you. So leave before I have to make you.” Ant’s steady voice carried down the street. 

Richie had pressed him back against the wall, placed himself between Eddie and the opening of the alleyway out on the street as they both stood tense and listening. Eddie looked up at Richie’s face, felt like he could hardly breath as they heard the two men approach down the sidewalk. Richie kept his eyes on the sliver of street they could see. When Kevin and Louis got close and then crossed past the opening of the alley, he pressed a bit closer as they both held their breaths. Hoped that they would blend in with the wall of the building. It would be a lot less humorous if they actually got their asses kicked by a couple of bigoted jerks. 

They stayed like that, still and silent, until the voices carried far away and they were left with the relative quiet of the street life. Richie gave a sigh though he didn’t really relax this time. Eddie looked up at him, felt all that complicated emotion rise up at what had to be the least opportune time. Maybe it was the right time though cause as Richie looked down at him, Eddie felt like he found his courage. 

“Well, I think we might want to cut through here and take a different route back to the parking lot to avoid them.” 

“Richie, did you mean it?” 

They both spoke at the same time and Eddie saw the confused look cross over Richie’s face. Eddie pursed his lips for a second as they both seemed to be waiting for the other to speak up. Richie moved to pull away and Eddie caught hold of his jacket collar to keep him from doing so; gently held him there close so he couldn’t avoid this. He felt like he knew the answer, he felt like he knew Richie had meant it and meant it the way Eddie had wanted him to mean it. He needed Richie to say it though; to say it directly. 

“What you said in the hospital. That you loved me. Did you mean it?” Eddie repeated the question as he watched him carefully. Richie’s expression went purposefully blank for a few seconds before he squeezed his eyes shut tight like he was building up to something. Eddie still felt like he was holding his breath. 

“Yeah. Yeah, Eds, I did but-” 

Eddie didn’t wait for him to get any further. Pulled Richie down to him to crush their lips together in a desperate kiss. He felt Richie’s lips part but at the same time he felt him tense up and pull away some. Eddie processed just what Richie had said, what Richie had likely been about to say and he pulled out of the kiss so quickly that he hit the back of his head against the wall. He couldn’t even look up at Richie, didn’t want to see what sort of expression was on his face.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I was wrong, I read that wrong. There was a ‘but’ to that statement, I should have let you fini-” 

It was Eddie’s words that were cut short this time as Richie wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into another crushing kiss. He made a noise full of more need than Eddie even thought he’d was capable of as he wrapped his arms around Richie’s shoulders. They pressed together, mouths moved with each other as Eddie felt himself get swept up in it. 

He hadn’t really ever thought he’d been that fond of kissing. Turned out he just wasn’t fond of kissing anyone but Richie. Kissing Richie was like finding home. 

“Wait, wait wait wait.” 

Richie pulled back and Eddie felt a needling frustration as he gave him an expectant look. Wanted to get back to the whole kissing Richie was like finding home poetic bullshit. 

“What the hell was with your ‘no homo’ bullshit then?” 

“What? ‘No homo’? Why the hell would it be ‘no homo’, Richie?” 

“How else was I supposed to take ‘Oh, you know I love ya, bro?” 

“There was no ‘bro’, I said that you knew I loved you too. Then you made some fucking joke!” 

Richie paused long enough to examine his face for a moment and Eddie watched the emotion move across his features. Defensive at first but then confused. Finally, Richie seemed to settle on tentative elation as he gave Eddie a small crooked smile. 

“Soooo, that was a ‘yes homo’?” 

“Yeah, Richie, it was a ‘yes homo’ though I’m seriously rethinking that choice at the mome-mmm.” 

Richie leaned down and kissed him again, softer this time, a little more reverent. Eddie tugged him in close, ran his tongue along Richie’s lower lip as they took the chance to slow down a little. Richie pinned him against that wall, hands tangled in his jacket as Eddie gripped Richie’s hair. 

Warmth pooled inside Eddie’s chest, a balm to the ache that settled there so frequently since their escape from Neibolt. Richie was warm, the taste of bourbon, a sweet burn that felt just as intoxicated as the alcohol itself. He wasn’t entirely certain how much time passed with them pressed there against the alley wall but when they finally parted for a third time. 

Richie dropped his head to nuzzle against Eddie’s neck as they held onto each other. Eddie felt a breathy laugh brush against his skin, the warmth sending a shiver down his spine. He turned his head, pressed a kiss against Richie’s temple. 

“We should probably head back to my place.” Eddie suggested it quietly, felt like he was breaking that pause in time that had held them there. It felt like what had happened was a world away and yet still weighed on him as he held onto Richie tightly. 

“Yeah...w-we probably should…” Richie responded, words muffled and broken sounding. Eddie frowned softly, tried to turn and look at him as he felt a small shudder go through Richie. 

“Are you crying? Hey, Rich, are you okay?” Eddie tried to separate them a little so he could make sure that Richie was alright. He heard a little sob in response that confirmed that Richie was crying against his shoulder and he felt a little twist of alarm. “Richie?” 

“I’m a little drunk and it’s been kind of a hell of a night, Eddie, give a guy a break if he wants some privacy while he cries it out, okay?” Richie held onto him tightly, refused to give Eddie the chance to see his face as he spoke with obvious tears in his face. Eddie stopped trying and just held onto him more tightly, smoothed his hands down along Richie’s back. 

“Well, hurry up and wrap it up. My patience for being in a trash filled alley is running out.” Eddie spoke in a softly teasing tone, had no intention of rushing Richie even if he was slowly realizing that they were all of two feet from a dumpster. He closed his eyes, nuzzled against Richie’s neck in return as he felt his own tears well up in his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of comedians that Richie was on tour with when he got the call to return to Derry approach. They throw some insults and slurs and claims they're all 'just jokes' when Richie gets upset. One of the guys makes a comment that suggests Richie is paying Eddie for his time and Eddie punches him. Richie then punches the second guy when he moved to swing at Eddie. At that point, you can start reading where they're leaving the bar.


	6. A Breath of Relief

They had made their way back to Richie’s car, giddy but cautious at the same time, aware that Kevin and Louis like had headed towards the parking lot as well. Eddie had been the one to drive them back to his place; had wanted to give Richie a chance with his thoughts. His excuse about the drinks was possibly a part of the silence he fell into on the way but Eddie got the sense it was something more than that. 

In the pauses in traffic and moments stopped at red lights, Eddie had tentatively reached out to skim his fingertips over the back of Richie’s hand. He seemed to startle out of his thoughts as he stopped staring out the passenger side window with a frown to reward Eddie with a smile instead. He hoped that he hadn’t done anything wrong, that he hadn’t mis-stepped though he couldn’t imagine where. The moments in the alleyway had felt right; had felt like fitting the last piece of a puzzle into place. 

“You’re not going to throw up in your car, are you?” Eddie kept an eye on the light so he wouldn’t miss if it changed. Richie gave a soft laugh and shook his head. 

“No, just...thinking about your mom.” 

“Oh, fuck you…” Eddie chuckled but they both fell silent again. Richie squeezed his hand lightly and there was a sudden loud honk behind them. Eddie startled, focused forward again to see that the light had changed without him realizing it despite his attempt to keep an eye out. “Asshole.”

He glanced at the car behind them in the rear view mirror as he got them moving forward and that silent returned between them. Richie kept a hold of his hand though and Eddie couldn’t bring himself to care enough about making sure his hands were at ten and two to take it away from him. 

It felt like they were both holding their breaths the rest of the way home. It wasn’t a long drive but it felt like ages with this tense wire drawn between them. It felt like their confessions had simply drawn whatever red string of fate connected them throughout their lives. Eddie had once feared that that string would snap; break under the force in which they seemed to revolve around each other. Now, he did his best to hold those old fears from taking full hold. 

When they finally got back and parked, they headed up to the suite still hand in hand as Richie trailed him closely as if afraid to let him get too far away from him. His presence was like a beacon as Eddie walked through the lobby, the knowledge that Richie was following just a step or two behind. Their entwined hands kept out of sight of anyone they might have passed, tucked close between them. 

They stepped into the elevator and the moment the doors closed, the second they had some true privacy, Richie tugged him in close for another kiss that helped chase away those fears of snapping strings and missteps taken. Eddie pushed into it, the two of them stumbled a little until Richie’s back hit the side of the elevator. 

He could feel Richie’s arms hug around his waist, hold him close as they let the elevator wall help support their weight as the floors counted slowly upwards. There was the risk the doors would open on another floor, that someone would be waiting to go up on one of the floors between the lobby and the top-story suite. It felt like enough of a risk to make it just a little dangerous feelings, like it had been in the alleyway, but he had rarely actually ran into anyone on the elevator during his time staying at Ben’s place and somewhat doubted there was any true worry that they’d be interrupted. 

Eddie wished they could extend the ride up, wished they’d have more time before he knew whatever was keeping Richie preoccupied in the car would come up in the full privacy of his place. If he’d been able to, he would have frozen time there, the two of them closely pressed together sharing breaths between exploratory kisses. 

The door chimed when they reached the top floor at what seemed entirely too quick of a pace. The elevator must have rocketed upwards or time itself sped up because far sooner than Eddie was ready for the doors opened up to that familiar floor with the door to his place just down the hall. Richie let him go, gave him a smile even as he reluctantly nudged him towards the door. If they rode the elevator down just to have the chance to ride it up again there’d be an even greater chance that someone would end up getting on with them. 

Eddie made certain to hold onto Richie’s hand as they started down the hall. Felt that beacon of energy from him still as he followed on his heels. He took the short walk down the hall to dig his keys out of his pocket while also going through his mental checklist to reassure himself that this was happening. There would still be a lot to talk about, some of that being things they might even talk about that night, but there was little doubt that Richie returned his feelings now.

He stopped at the door, worked to get it unlocked as he felt Richie’s arms settle around him from behind him. Richie pressed his face into the crook between Eddie’s shoulder and neck, breathed deeply there so that his breath tickled against his skin. Eddie found himself leaning back into him, gravitating towards him like he had some attractive force that pulled him in. 

Richie himself was the attractive force but lord knew Eddie wasn’t going to say that shit out loud. He’d never live it down and Richie would make sure of that. Still, all of this felt almost surreal with the speed of it. Like a dam had broken with their mutual confessions and now Eddie didn’t want to be separated from Richie even for the smallest moment. 

He got the door opened; Richie’s hands slipping to rest on his hips and held on as they moved inside. Eddie felt another small thrill when they were fully alone; the door closed behind them. He felt the nerve bubble up inside of him as well though. Nerves from the fact this was all new for him from here on out. 

Shit, the moment he’d decided to divorce Myra this had been new to him. This was just a continuation of that. 

“You’re not leaving your shoes in the middle of the floor, moron. Come on.” Eddie frowned when Richie just kicked his shoes off to the side while ignoring the shoe rack he had placed next to the door under the coat rack. He moved to carefully kick his own shoes off and take the time to set them in place to make a point. 

“You know there’s a good chance the bar brawl will end up being reported by, like, TMZ or something, right?” 

Eddie could hear a tone of caution in Richie’s voice, knew that they were going to be discussing what had been pre-occupying his mind on the drive back home. Richie continued to ignore the shoe rack in apparent favor of wrapping his arms around Eddie from behind once more. He closed his eyes as he felt Richie’s lips brush over the back of his neck. It seemed he wasn’t the only one who didn’t want them to be parted for too long as he was once more wrapped up in Richie’s arms. 

“Do you really think those two are going to admit to getting knocked down by a sucker punch?” Eddie tried to keep the tone light; joking. He wanted to help reassure Richie that he understood everything that came with this. In truth, Eddie wasn’t sure he did but there were far worse things they could face than intrusive reporters and fans. 

They had already faced worse together; twice.

“I just want you to know that’s something that comes with this; comes with me. And it won’t just be this though...hopefully this will be the only chance they have something like ‘Tozier and Unidentified Friend start Bar Brawl’ to report on.” Richie tried to match the joking tone but when Eddie went to turn to face him, he tightened his hold just slightly. Eddie knew it would be to hide that his expression betrayed the fact that he was worried. Worried about what type of stories might get reported or worried that Eddie would reconsider because of it. 

“I sort of figured that, Rich, I did see the rumors that showed up on television and in the tabloids after Derry. Is it a problem for you?” Eddie stepped away from Richie just enough; enough that he could turn around and look at his face. There was a certain sort of fear in his expression when Eddie saw it; fear that was familiar to him. He’d seen it in the sewers when things had taken that almost fatal turn to the worst. 

“No, killer clowns aren’t enough to keep me away from you if you’ll have me. I just...was worried because I know it can be a lot and that it’s a factor pretty much no matter what with me.” Richie’s thoughts had clearly been following a similar track as he brought up It. He shook his head lightly like he was trying to shake the memories away. Eddie stepped closer to him, reached up to straighten his shirt collar that had been knocked askew. They stood close together, ridiculously so as Eddie kept his eyes on Richie’s shirt collar, his neck, his adam’s apple. There was a small hint of his collarbone as well with the way he always wore his stupid shirts slightly unbuttoned. 

“And I took a giant spider-clown leg through the chest for you. Hell, I left my wife and moved to fucking LA for you, Richie. I’ll have to get used to it but it’s not gonna change my mind on being with you.” 

Eddie planted a kiss against Richie’s jaw, had to push up on his toes a little to do so. Richie’s head seemed to tip instinctively to give him a little more access as his shoulders relaxed some. Eddie took this as encouragement, wanted to chase away any doubts that Richie might still have about how he felt. He’d taken too long to get to this point for more uncertainty to settle between them now. 

“Wait, wait, wait. You moved here specifically for _me_, Eds? Can I just say how gay that is?” He felt relief at hearing the humor back in Richie’s voice. That the uncertainty he had heard for a few moments had eased back into that familiar teasing tone. Still, as he pressed another kiss just below his ear, he heard Richie give a subtle whimper of pleasure. 

“Oh, shut up you asshole. You’re the one that literally admitted your love for me as I was stuck in the hospital.” Eddie hesitated for a moment before he nipped lightly at Richie’s skin. He heard the soft stutter in Richie’s breath, felt a tug at his belt loops as he was pulled even closer. 

“After you almost died to save me!” Richie tried to recover, mock offense in his voice as he shifted so he could rest their foreheads together and he gave Eddie a grin. 

“Dude, you fucking _cried_ after I told you I love you.” Eddie rolled his eyes as he looped his arms around Richie’s shoulders; held him close as Richie did the same. They were pressed together practically from head to toe. Eddie was nervous but the sense of desire managed to overwhelm those insecurities just a little. 

“I’m pretty sure you cried too, Spaghetti Head,” Richie mumbled it as they bumped noses; the two of them tentatively toying with another kiss. Softly brushes of their lips, never quite connecting. 

“I was distraught.” Eddie said it in a distracted manner; wondered, not for the first time, just when Richie managed to get such broad shoulders. “Wanna make out on the couch for a while?” 

“Thought you’d never ask.” 

Eddie gave a squawk of complaint when Richie suddenly squatted down a little to wrap his arms under his ass to lift him up. He grabbed onto those same wide shoulders as Rich carried him awkwardly despite his protests that he was going to hurt himself or Eddie or both of them. 

“You’re going to be the one that makes me drop you, idiot, if you don’t stop squirming around,” Richie huffed at him even as they finally reached the couch. Eddie was unceremoniously dropped onto the cushions as Richie gave a few more huffs and leaned back to stretch his back. Eddie shook his head as he sat up from the pile he’d been dropped into. 

“You hurt yourself, didn’t you?” Eddie deadpanned at him as he watched Richie carefully sit down on the other side of the couch. 

“No, I did not. I just, why don’t you come over here so we can make out?” Richie sounded disgruntled as he leaned back into the cushions and Eddie felt an actual twist of concern that Richie had pulled something or thrown out his back.

“I told you that you were going to hurt yourself, idiot. Do you need to lie down? Maybe we should get you to the emergency room; they might have to give you some muscle relaxers.” Eddie scooted closer to him as he tried to figure out to get Richie back downstairs without hurting him more. He’d have to figure out how to get to the closest hospital too. 

“Eds, my love; God, I kind of like being able to say that and have it mean what it always meant. But, I’m fine. You’re just heavier than your short stature would have me believe. I don’t need an ER; I just need you kissing me.” Richie reached over to him and tugged at his shirt sleeve. Eddie pursed his lips but leaned over Richie a little so he could see his face to try to decode if this was the truth.

“I’m not going to kiss you until I know I won’t be forced to listen to you whine for days after that your back is fucked up.” 

Richie gave him a grin as he grabbed ahold of his shirt collar and coaxed him down close enough that he could sneak a few kisses to his jaw. It was _almost_ enough to make Eddie decide that Richie’s back could be screwed up for a while if it meant not stopping right then. 

“Rich…”

“My back is just fine, Eds. ‘Sides, it's gonna be my mouth doing the work.” 

Richie waggled his eyebrows at him and shifted a little to sit up a bit more as if to prove his point about his back. Eddie’s mind had sidetracked though into territory he wasn’t quite ready to go in despite how...so very much he’d like to. He felt his cheeks flush as his eyes settled on Richie’s lips, fantasized for a moment about just what sort of things Richie could do with his mouth. 

“Edward Kaspbrak, where did your mind just go?” 

Eddie felt his face get even hotter as Richie spoke in a scandalized tone; drew attention to the fact that he had clearly not kept his thoughts from showing on his face. 

“Nowhere we need to worry about going for tonight. You absolutely sure about your back?” Eddie didn’t want to push but he also didn’t want to be overbearing at the same time. He knew what it felt like to have someone be overbearing, to push when you didn’t truly want or need the focused attention. 

“You let me know when you’re ready to make that trip, okay? Cause I definitely would like to take it with you. As for my back, yes, I’m sure. It’s feeling better already, promise.” 

“I reserve the right to tell you ‘I told you so’ if you’re lying,” Eddie said as he leaned down to press a kiss to Richie’s lips. Moved so he could carefully straddle his lap, nerves and excitement and an infinite sense of rightness. Of fitting into place in a way that he hadn’t even realized he’d been missing until that return to Derry when he’d seen Richie. It felt like it had finally clicked, that they had finally completed a circuit. 

Richie’s hands settled on his hips; warm and firm in place as he held Eddie there. Eddie let his hands tangle in Richie’s hair, wanted to take the time to feel and taste and hear every little sound he could get out of him. He wanted to know all the things he’d been missing for the last three decades. 

They kissed until they were both breathless; a slow exploration that spoke of all those years where they’d both been aware that something was missing but not knowing what. The time where they’d remembered but still felt they couldn’t be together. All that time and wasted potential; all the words that hadn’t been said and the fear they’d both felt at the thought of losing the other. 

It had been terrifying and horrible when he’d seen Richie lit up by the deadlights but it had also been beautiful in a way. Eddie’s mind strayed there now as his nerve endings sparked beneath the surface, his heart beating fast and thunderous in his chest. Because in a way, that was how he’d always seen Richie. Like he shone so bright it was hard to look at him directly; like he was the sun that Eddie had orbited throughout his life. 

Orbited him when they were kids and he tried so desperately to earn Richie’s approval. 

Orbited him when they returned to Derry and those memories came rushing back and all Eddie wanted was to catch Richie’s eyes; to keep him safe. 

Eddie never wanted to stray from Richie’s gravitational force ever again. He’d crash into him willingly if it meant he’d never have to leave his side. 

They parted, just enough to try and catch their breaths, Richie’s glasses had been pushed up into his hair at some point and were barely hanging on. Eddie tried to straighten them out as he tried to press closer, rolled his hips and he felt Richie press up against him in turn. He was rethinking his decision not to move further, the temptation too just have all of him at once. He pushed his hips down once more, felt a twist of desire that was almost overwhelming. He heard someone moan, part of him realized that it had come from him. 

Richie was gently pushing him away, putting some distance between them and Eddie gave him a frown. Wondered if he’d crossed a line. 

“Eds, I would really love to do so many things right now. But, you said we weren’t going on that trip just yet so I want to make sure we’re not gonna start down a road we’re not ready to travel.” 

“You can stop with the ‘trip’ jokes, Richie,” Eddie laughed softly but sat back so that there was a little more space between the two of them. He knew, when he really thought about it, that he wasn’t even prepared to take that step yet no matter how much he wanted to tell himself he was. 

Richie skimmed his knuckled lightly over his cheek and Eddie leaned into the touch. 

“I’m right though, aren’t I?” 

“Probably the first time you’ve ever gotten to say that, isn’t it?” Eddie shifted, sat so he wasn’t straddling Richie but had his legs draped over his lap. A little distance, a little less intensity. 

“Please, I’m pretty much never wrong, Spaghetti head. People just don’t appreciate my genius.” Richie pressed a kiss to his temple, the two of them curled close together as Eddie let his head rest against Rich’s shoulder. He closed his eyes, could still feel the chapped almost numb feeling in his lips from kissing Richie; a slight sense like he’d gotten some stubble burn. 

“So, how are we going to tell the others about this, genius?” He had no doubt that he could send Bev a one word text and she’d know. He wasn’t worried about Ben and her, honestly, but he wasn’t sure how Mike and Bill would take it. He couldn’t imagine them not being okay with this but there were a lot of uncertainties. 

“Something tells me most of them won’t be all that surprised.” 

“You think we’ve been that obvious?” Eddie shifted to get a little more comfortable, closed his eyes as he heard Richie stifle a small yawn. Felt some fatigue himself even though his thoughts kept trailing back to Richie’s lips. 

“I think we were obvious to everyone but ourselves. And maybe Bill. Hey…” 

“What?” Eddie blinked and looked at Richie, who immediately pulled him into another kiss. A little softer, slower, some of that initial need tampered just enough for it to border on the side of sweet. Eddie let his hand rest on the back of Richie’s head to toy with his hair; left it there when they pulled out of the kiss once more. 

“We punched a couple of homophobes tonight.”

“Guess if I was to get into my first bar fight it had to be for a good cause.” Eddie smiled a little; maybe felt a little proud of himself for finding that in him to stand up to the assholes at the bar. Richie gave a quiet noise of amusement as Eddie rested their heads together, cuddled a little closer to him as he closed his eyes. His hand still toyed with the hair at the back of Richie’s neck and brushed along the back of his collar. 

“We’re really gonna do this then? You and me? Trashmouth and Spagheds?” There was a tone of mild disbelief in Richie’s voice; a happiness that bubbled up to the surface. Less a question than a statement like Richie was reassuring himself this was real. “Guess I can start making ‘my boyfriend’ jokes in my new act. That will at least give me some familiar territory to go down.” 

“Oh good, going to continue with the mediocre humor. I was afraid you were going to try and actually be funny.”

“Hey now, I’m the funniest guy you know.” 

“Honestly, that’s not saying much.” Eddie deadpanned and felt a small bubble of joy as he heard Richie start laughing. They both shook with it, curled tightly together as if afraid something might pry them apart. 

“I’m telling the others you said that.” 

*

They had gone to sleep at some point. Eddie wasn’t certain how late it was before they’d finally made their way to bed. It was like that first night when Richie had come in to sleep with him but this time Eddie didn’t have to worry about being too close; letting his feelings show.

Instead, they had curled up facing each other. Tangled themselves together. When Eddie woke the next morning, Richie’s head was tucked under his chin, long limbs wrapped around him as they both held on to the other. It had been a peaceful night, a relief to some of the dreams that still lingered some nights. He was glad that Richie had slept through the night as well, that the reminders of the deadlights hadn’t risen up to ruin his sleep. 

Eddie shifted in an attempt to see what time it was and heard Richie grumble a quiet complaint. He stilled for a second, didn’t want to wake him up if he could avoid it. He laid there, half turned towards the nightstand until he heard Richie’s breathing even back out. As soon as it had, he moved slowly to snag his phone off the nightstand and brought up the screen to see the time. 

He has a text from last night from Bev checking in but it was the several text notifications that he’d gotten from his boss that made Eddie sigh. He was supposed to have the weekends free but that hadn’t really been true. It felt like a rude reminder that he still had to deal with life outside of this apartment. He unlocked his phone to skim through the messages with a frown, carefully settling back besides Richie as he did. He wasn’t supposed to visit the site of their new potential customer until the start of the week but it seemed Huckle didn’t want him to wait. He didn’t want to answer but he knew with still being in his probationary period that he was more likely to get in trouble. 

“Why the grumpy face, Eddie, my love?” Richie’s voice was full of fatigue as he spoke; shifted besides him. Eddie shifted a little so that Rich could get his arm out from beneath him where it had been pinned and he could sit up. 

“You want to go to the pier today? I’ve got to go take a look at this place for work.” Eddie let his arm rested around Richie’s shoulders as he leaned against his side. He scrolled through a few more the messages that had started coming in sometime the night before. His boss seemed pissed that he’d not responded already despite the fact that there was no expectation for him to do so. 

“I mean, I’m down for going to the pier but it’s your day off, isn’t it?” Richie practically climbed into his lap, curled up there as if he was just going to fall back to sleep. Eddie felt that sense that this was a dream again; that this was too good to be true despite being the entire reason he’d moved to LA in the first place. As his phone chimed once more, he was reminded that not everything was as perfect as having Richie there first thing in the morning. 

“It’s supposed to be but my boss is an asshole who doesn’t seem to think having a fucking break is productive.” 

“You need to find a different job.” Richie stifled a yawn against his shoulder. Eddie reached to pull the quilt up over them both; had told Richie the night before to just borrow a sweatshirt rather than sleeping shirtless. He did his best to withhold the ‘I told you so’ though even as Richie gratefully pulled the blanket closer. 

“Well, if there was anything else I was good at I’d give that a try but I think I’m stuck for now.” Eddie typed out a quick reply to his boss to let him know he’d be going by the place today so he could get it out of the way. 

“You’re pretty damn good at making out,” Richie said with a sleepy chuckle as Eddie tossed his phone carefully aside on the bedspread so he could ignore any more texts from Huckle until later. He’d get the job done and then maybe he could spend the rest of the day at the pier with Richie. Have what could be their first legit date. 

“Yeah, I’m going to fucking make out with people for a living, dumbass. That’s going to go great.” 

“You’d be rich in no time. I could be your bodyguard. No touching except the lips.” Richie grinned at him, leaned to press their lips together and Eddie sighed into it as he closed his eyes. Found it even more tempting to just stay in bed with Richie the rest of the day. They couldn’t just sleep and make out for forever though. 

“Fuck you,” Eddie said as he lightly pushed Richie back; knew that if they didn’t get moving soon he would be tempted to stay there. Maybe even do what he had just suggested. Richie seemed to have the same thought as, for the first time in his life, Eddie saw him blush a bit. “Come on, get the hell up. We do this fast enough then we can do whatever we want with the rest of the day.”

Eddie untangled himself from Richie, which was easier said than done. Rich whined as he jokingly clung loosely onto Eddie to keep him from getting up. Eddie just flicked him lightly in the forehead which seemed to catch Richie off guard long enough that he was able to escape with a laugh. Once he was off the bed, Eddie looked back and found Richie stretching as his arms out over his head with his hair a mess and an ease in his smile that belied the events from the night before. 

He had the impulse to preserve the moment as he lifted his phone up and snapped a picture with the camera. Richie dropped his arms, gave Eddie a smile without seeming to realize what he was doing at first until his phone made the camera shutter sound. 

“Saving that for the spank bank there, Eds?” Richie waggled his eyebrows with a wide grin on his face as Eddie snapped one more quick picture for posterity's sake. 

“Just something to remind myself that I knew what sort of shit I was getting myself into with this so that when I’m filled with regret in the future I remember I only have myself to blame. Now, get your ass up, I want my boss to stop breathing down my neck sometime this week.” 

Eddie looked between the photos for a moment. The first one Richie looked almost unaware, soft and still obviously a bit sleep rattled. It had an intimate feel to it; a sense that this was a moment only for the two of them. In the second, where he’d known what Eddie was doing he looked...happy. His brow up as he grinned at him in that vague way he managed when he didn’t have his glasses on. 

Eddie locked his phone screen and looked up just in time to see the pillow coming at his face. It smacked him head on and he gave a curse as he grabbed at it and tried to take aim at Richie in return. 

“You fucking asshole.” Eddie launched the pillow back in Richie’s direction with a laugh only for it to smack against the headboard of the bed as Richie tried to scramble away. He got tangled in the sheets and Eddie watched as he spilled out onto the floor; his laughter followed him down. Eddie stepped around the bed with an amused expression as he looked down at Richie who was still tangled there. 

“Don’t you fucking say it.” 

“Serves you fucking right, jackass.” 

*


	7. In for a Penny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie starts to see the gentler side of public focus in comparison to the negative reaction that they'd faced the night before from Richie's comedy contemporaries.  
The two of them spend the day at Santa Monica Pier after Eddie takes care of the work put on his plate by his boss while navigating the new status of their relationship.

They had managed to get a spot to park close to the pier and were weaving their way through the crowd towards the location Eddie had been given. Their hands brushed against each other frequently but neither of them seemed ready to grab hold just yet. Part of that was from the group of teenagers who had recognized Richie shortly after they’d gotten out of the car and called attention to them. Part of it was an uncertainty on Eddie’s part of whether PDA was something Richie was comfortable with or not. Hell, Eddie wasn’t entirely certain it was something he was comfortable with either. Not when it felt like eyes were constantly on them. 

Richie, for his part, seemed to handle being recognized at random with a lot more tact than they’d seen back in the Jade. He had talked in a quiet but personable way with the group for a few moments and signed a couple of things for them. One of the teenagers asked him directly if Eddie was his boyfriend. 

Eddie’s face had gone hot immediately which was likely answer enough for them. Richie had just glanced back at him with a fond grin before saying something in a hushed tone to the group. Whatever it had been seemed to cure their curiosity and finally they wandered off with a few waves of goodbye. 

“What exactly did you say to them?” Eddie had waited until they were part way down the thoroughfare to ask the question. Their shoulders bumped again; Richie’s knuckles grazed the back of his hand. 

“Just that you were my groupie who followed me around everywhere.” Eddie rolled his eyes and flipped him off which brought an easy laugh out of Richie as he pushed his hand back down when they got scowled at by an old woman walking by. Eddie was about to comment on the fact that she could have just minded her own damn business but as Richie let go of his wrist, he slid his hand down into Eddie’s and tentatively linked their fingers together. 

Eddie pursed his lips, hesitated for a second before he gripped Richie’s hand back. They still walked close together; hands semi-hidden as they made it through the crowd down towards the storefront he now could see. The place still had the previous business’s sign hanging but it was clear that work had been done inside. It should be an easy in and out inspection; look at the business plan, take a look at the location to make sure it was sound and have the owners send any missing information on to the office. 

Richie gave his hand a soft squeeze and Eddie looked at him expectantly as they sidestepped around a group of tourists that appeared to somehow be lost in the most obvious place in the world. 

“You okay? You got that little frown line between your brow that makes you look like Oscar the Grouch.” 

“Oscar the Grouch doesn’t even have frown lines, moron, and yeah I’m fine. Just wishing I didn’t have to deal with all this still. I used to get some sort of satisfaction from this work when I started; I was good at it figuring out if the models would work or the level of risk a location places on a business. It’s all about screwing people over though for the insurance company though.” Eddie sighed, stepped off to the side out of the way of the rush of people just short of the front of the business. It was going to be some sort of gimmicky bar and restaurant from what he understood. The location alone probably cost a fortune for them to get a hold of and the insurance, no matter what his findings, would likely be the same. 

“Offer still stands for you to try and find something else. Or just not work at all. I can help out with that, you know. You can be my kept man; lounge around in nothing but a sheer bathrobe waiting for me to get home.” Richie shifted, slightly trapped Eddie against the side of the building as he shielded him from the hustle and bustle. It was reminiscent of how they stood in that alleyway; pressed close with Richie taking a protective stance. If someone paid attention to them now, recognized Richie just at that moment, there would be no mistaking what they were to each other. But Eddie found in that moment he really couldn’t bring himself to give a fuck. 

“I’m not going to be your kept man. I might look into something else though. Just don’t know what else I’d be good at.” 

“Eds, I’m pretty sure you could do whatever you put your mind to doing.” Richie didn’t care either; something he made clear when he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to Eddie’s lips. “But, for now, let’s go so you can assess those risks and then we’ll grab a bite to eat. I want to take you on the Ferris wheel. Hopefully you make the height requirements.” 

“Fuck you,” Eddie grumbled with a laugh as he let himself be carefully pulled back into the current of people. Richie held onto his hand tightly as they weaved the rest of the distance to the small, closed-up restaurant. 

*

“There is a flood risk here which you’ll want to take into consideration. Given that there hasn’t been major damage to the pier since 1983, you should be relatively secure from that from what I’ve pulled up on the location. The only concern that we have in regards to the building is that this section stood empty for so long.” Eddie sighed as he went over some of the information with the owner. His wife was standing off to the side talking to Richie, the two of them seemed to be going over a battery of small talk that was tinged with a subtle sense of knowing on her part. She hadn’t stated that she knew who Richie was but it was there in a few slips in the flow of conversation. 

“We’ve taken that into account and have been putting work into the place the last few months.” The owner’s name was Jake and he seemed nice enough if a bit lost in why they needed all the requested information. Eddie sighed as he gave a short nod; knew that the combination of the age of the place mixed with the combination of their business plan not being nearly as thorough as they should have would mean they’d get a lousy deal. 

“I’m going to suggest that you put a list of any and all improvements or repairs you’ve made. Include that when you send on your business plan and make sure to touch on the things we talked about. It’s going to help out in the long run but I do think your estimated insurance costs are too low right now especially if you plan on having employees as you’ll have to add on a portion of that. We won’t handle that aspect but I can get you a name of an agent who can help get you set up for that.” 

“Thanks man, I really appreciate it.” Jake didn’t exactly sound like he appreciated it but Eddie understood. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard that defeated tone set in when those small little marks against them added up. “Didn’t think my risk assessment guy was going to show up with Richie Tozier when I woke up this morning. She used to hate him until he did his last show where he came out. You two, uh…?” 

“Are we what?” Eddie felt defensive even though he could see it from the awkward expression on Jake’s face that he wasn’t trying to be rude. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just...it’s nice, seeing people be able to be honest about who they are. Our kid is going through a rough patch right now because of all that sort of stuff. A lot of his friends watched Tozier’s old shows so he did the same and got into all that comedy shit. He’s watched that show on repeat a lot since then; lights up a different sort of way seeing someone he admired tell the world to fuck off if they don’t like who he really is.” 

Eddie listened intently as he watched Richie. He could tell the conversation had shifted a little, a look of concentration on Richie’s face as Shar talked to him quietly. Offered him one of their mock menus with a questioning look and Richie smiled as he did the same as he’d done for the group of kids they’d run into by the parking lot. He signed the menu while speaking low and personable to her, writing something more than just his name as he did. 

“We are. Together. Just recently though we’ve known each other since we were kids.” Eddie redirected his focus as he started to gather up his paperwork. It wasn’t something he’d really been confronted with before given everything. Being a role model, even if it was only by proxy of being with Richie. “Tell your kid that, one day, he’ll find someone who makes everything seem alright. That will make it all snap into place.” 

“I will. Thanks.” 

Eddie nodded, didn’t quite feel like he could say anything more without that choked up feeling straining out through his voice. He heard Richie’s laugh and a moment later felt his presence close to his side as he tucked everything back into his bag. 

“We all good to go, Eds?” 

“Yeah, we’re good. Don’t forget to send those files in and really try to be as detailed as possible. The better you record everything, the less likely you are to get dinged for something you shouldn’t get marked down for. My preliminary report will make the recommendation that we can get you under a reasonable plan but I don’t have the last say on these things. So, make sure to cover your bases.” 

Eddie gave Jake a pointed look and got a nod of understanding in return. Shar set the mock menu down on the counter top and Eddie could see Richie’s scrawl, a small paragraph written above the flourish of his name. 

“Thank you for your help, Mr. Kaspbrak.” 

“And thank you, Mr. Tozier. Mark’s going to be besides himself when we take this home today.” Shar followed Jake’s thanks as they walked them towards the door and Eddie felt that tight feeling in his throat again. It got worse as they said their goodbyes and by the time they’d stepped outside and gotten a few feet away from the restaurant. 

“I’m proud of you, you know.” Eddie felt the words burst out as they came to pause so he could better organize his briefcase. They would need to drop it off at the car if they were going to spend more time here now that he was done with his work portion of the day. He dug in his pockets for the car keys for a second and then realized that Richie had been the one to drive them there. 

“Proud of me for what?” Richie asked with a perplexed look as he slipped his arm around him. Apparently, the concern about PDA had gone out the window and Eddie found he didn’t care at all. Part of him felt that, if someone saw them and took inspiration or comfort from them being open, it was worth any push back that might result as well. 

“You’re being a fucking role model for people all the sudden. You came out and faced all the bullshit that you knew was going to come with it but it’s made a good impact on people and I’m proud of you for that.” 

“You’re a role model too, Eds.” Richie took the lead, using his broader size to weave a way for them through the crowd back towards the car. He kept a hold on Eddie’s sleeve as they moved in a clear attempt to prevent them from being separated and to keep contact between them until they finally managed to break out into the more open area of the parking lot at last. 

“Don’t fucking try and redirect my compliment, Richie, no one even knows who I am anyway.” Eddie shook his head in disagreement as they fell back in step side by side once more now that they were in a more open area. The car was a short distance away, the two of them skimming between parked cars to get there. 

“You’re still a role model, Eds, being true to who you are. Just because you didn’t announce it on a live broadcast while you stood on stage making an asshole of yourself doesn’t change that. And, honestly, since we’re doing this people are eventually going to at least have an idea of who you are.” Richie gave a little laugh that was half humor and half embarrassment as a blush creeped up into his cheeks. 

“Did she tell you about their kid?” Eddie gave Richie an expectant look as the car gave a beep when Richie pushed the button as they reached it. He pulled the backdoor open so that he could set the briefcase inside, tucked behind the front seat where it’d be out of sight. 

“Yeah, she did. Was kind of wild considering I was pretty sure anyone who liked my old shit was going to jump ship the moment the words ‘I’m gay’ came out of my mouth on stage.” Richie gave a shrug of his shoulders as he leaned back against the hood of the car as Eddie closed the back door. Eddie rested his hip against the closed door to look at him. Richie looked a bit perplexed, a crease in his brow though there was a hint of a smile on his lips. 

“Well, sounds like some people maybe saw a bit more to you than ‘your mom’ jokes. You still want to hang out here for a while?” Eddie had thought it might be nice, a real sort of date even if it had to start with doing work on his day off, but he couldn’t tell just then if Richie wanted to stay somewhere so visible. 

“Uh, yeah, Eds. I’m not missing out on taking you onto that Ferris wheel.” Richie gave him an incredulous look as he shifted a little closer to him. “It’s either going to be the most hilarious thing in the world or the most romantic.”

“I’m surprised you’re not excited to force me onto the roller coaster.” Eddie rolled his eyes as he joked though he wouldn’t actually mind riding the coaster even if it made him have a nervous flutter in his gut. Richie gave a soft laugh that almost sounded put upon and Eddie eyed him for a moment. 

“I wouldn’t go that far, Eds. Don’t want to actually traumatize you,” Richie said as he ran a hand through his hair. There was something in the way that Richie wouldn’t meet his eyes that made Eddie suspect he wasn’t getting the truth at the moment. A smirk crept onto his face as he connected the dots a little. 

“You scared of a little roller coaster, Richie?” 

“Fuck you.” Richie laughed at his goading, finally met Eddie’s eyes again as he flipped him off. “I’m not scared of coasters. I just don’t like them as much. What’s the point of getting tossed around for two minutes tops? I can drive myself down the road at even faster speeds and at least be in control of whether I go careening off course.” 

“The roller coaster is, statistically, safer than your driving, Richie.” 

“My driving is impeccable, Eds. I’m offended.” Richie pressed the lock button on his keys with a pointed look over the rim of his glasses. Eddie gave him a skeptical look before Richie turned on his heel and started back towards the pier. He moved slowly enough to give Eddie a chance to fall in step with him; their hands linked back together almost as if it was already habit. 

“Your driving is shit and you’re egotistical enough that you have to own the flashiest bullshit you can. We’re going on the roller coaster.” 

“Betrayed by my own boyfriend. The world is truly cruel,” Richie said in an overly dramatic voice as he grasped at his chest like he’d actually been wounded. They stepped back into the wave of people that provided some sense of anonymity again and Eddie used the opportunity to free his hand from Richie’s so that he could slip his arm around his waist instead. Richie’s arm rested over his shoulders in return; pulled him a little closer to press a kiss to his temple. 

“Just didn’t expect _you_ to be a coward about riding an amusement park ride.” No one seemed to be paying them any more attention than they would any of the other strangers. There were no snide looks so far, no comments or obvious glares that Eddie had been worried about. If the night before had been the worst kind of reaction they could have faced then today had seemed like a balm to that hurt. It was enough that Eddie let his head rest against Richie’s shoulder as they walked. 

“Why do you think I used to sit out with you when we were young and your mom wouldn’t let you ride the fair rides?” 

“Because you loved me?” Eddie teased. 

“Well, that too, but it gave me a good cover for not having to ride them without admitting that I didn’t want to. The only one we used to ride was the Ferris wheel because it was tame enough your mom wouldn’t freak.” They approached the amusement park area; the sound of people’s delighted screams carried over the general crowd noise as one of the cars rushed around the helix of the coaster. “That’s part of why I don’t like them.” 

“What? People having fun riding them?” Eddie joked but he lifted his head so he could get a read on Richie’s expression. 

“No, well, yes. The screaming. Like, I know it’s for funsies or what the fuck ever, but every time I got on a coaster I always had this doubt that the people around me were screaming for fun and that at the end I’d find that something terrible had happened to one of the Losers. Or that we wouldn’t even reach the end. I don’t know, it’s probably stupid and doesn’t make sense considering my deep-seated love for horror movies and shit that’s pretty much the same thing. I mean, shit, we used to jump into that fucking lake where we were probably more likely to crack our heads open.” 

Eddie could see the play of emotions across Richie’s face; a bit self-conscious and embarrassed but something else beneath it. Something that made Eddie pull him a little closer as they entered the amusement park, lines of people and kids running and laughing around them. He thought about all the times they’d gone to the fair when it came; the Derry Days festivals. He distinctly remembered Richie talking about how much he had loved riding one of those small set up rides that would spin you around at terrifying speeds or the small coasters they had set up practically overnight. He tried to think when that had stopped, when Richie had started hanging back with him instead. It clicked into place as another car went around the helix as they walked past its gated structure. Richie had stopped riding them after that summer; after It. 

“We won’t ride the coaster. I think I’d rather have that romantic and obnoxious ride on the Ferris wheel with you.” Eddie spoke confidently but his tone was a little softer as he let his head rest back on Richie’s shoulder. That night of Richie waking up from the deadlights on his mind. The shadow of their childhood where screams hadn’t held a carefree current running underneath. 

“You sure?” Richie’s cheek rested against the top of his head for a moment. The scent of funnel cake wafted through the air past them; a touch of nostalgia that still managed not to be tainted by the traumas of their pasts. 

“Absolutely.” 

*

They had taken their time wandering through the grounds to reach the Ferris wheel. Richie seemed to pick up things along the way like a magnet. By the time they had gotten in line to wait their turn; he had bought Eddie a t-shirt with an old classic car and a Route 66 sign on it, gotten both of them a drink and got them a giant thing of sky-blue colored cotton candy against Eddie’s protests. There were about ten other things that had distracted him along the way. Eddie had followed his every whim even if he rolled his eyes each time Richie suddenly diverted again. 

“You literally live within a short distance to this place. Why are you acting like a tourist on vacation?” 

They were finally in line as Richie tried to convince him to eat some of the cotton candy that made his teeth hurt just looking at it. Eddie watched as he took a big bite of the spun sugar right off the cone that it had been wound around. 

“Because you haven’t been here before. Besides, it’s not like I have an excuse to come down here all that often.” Richie talked as he with his mouth full of the dissolving sugar. Eddie gave him a look of disgust as he turned to shuffle forward as the Ferris wheel came to a stop to switch out one of the seats. Richie gave him an eyebrow waggle as he leaned in to try and sneak a kiss as Eddie laughed and tried to shove him away. Richie managed to plant a quick peck on the corner of his mouth, tasted sweet sticky as Eddie found himself wanting more. 

“Are you trying to rot your teeth?” Eddie sucked down the last of his lemonade as he gave Richie a skeptical look as he took another bite from the cotton candy and they shuffled forward once more. For a moment, Richie seemed to watch him carefully with a look that made Eddie blush as he let the straw go once he only got the dredges of ice water diluted lemonade. 

“Come on, Eds, live a little. It’s gonna go fast so you can’t complain if you miss out.” Richie tipped the cotton candy towards him as he finally looked away with an awkward look on his face. Eddie wanted to know what had gone through his mind just then; could take a guess that he was pretty sure would be fairly accurate. He turned his attention to the cotton candy instead, eyed it skeptically for a few seconds before deciding he might as well. One bite of pure sugar wouldn’t kill him. 

He plucked a piece of the fluff off the stick and stuck it into his mouth. It tasted like old summers spent out in the sun. Not the bad ones; those long summers that stretch with laziness. The Losers lying on the rocks of the quarry sunning themselves dry after a long swim. Hiding away in the club house with all of them occupied with their own things but not alone. The times before they’d all separated. 

It also melted immediately in his mouth, coated it with sugar and dye as he tried to swallow it down. He took another drink of his lemonade with little to no avail as Richie burst out into laughter. It wasn’t necessarily bad, he would even say it tasted good as most sugary things did, but it was a lot. A punch of sugar when he was used to limiting his intake of it. 

“How can you fucking eat that like it’s nothing?” They moved forward again; the loading area now in sight and they would only be a few more cars away from getting on. That sweet taste lingered in his mouth; turned a little sour as Richie grinned at him with lips that were tinted slightly blue. 

“I live off of sugar, Eds. This is basically what my entire pantry is filled with.” Richie leaned over the railing that kept the line to throw his empty cup into a trash can. He motioned at Eddie to give up his own cup and he handed it over so he could toss it as well. 

“I really hope you’re joking but honestly it wouldn’t fucking surprise me.” Eddie reached over and plucked a little bit more of the cotton candy off the cloud that was quickly being decimated. Richie had eaten at least half of it within three entirely too large bites. Eddie popped the small bit into his mouth and instantly regretted it despite it satisfying some weird craving. “Don’t let me eat anymore.” 

“You like it, don’t you?” Richie said with a cocky grin as Eddie questioned his sanity as he felt the unexplainable impulse to snag a little more. 

“It’s absolutely disgusting. I’m going to grab another bite but then, seriously, don’t let me eat any more of that shit.” Eddie snagged a slightly bigger piece this time, didn’t pop the whole thing in his mouth but took a bit more time as he ate it. They were now next in line and the guy motioned that they’d need to finish up the cotton candy before getting on. 

Eddie watched in mild horror as Richie pulled the rest of the cotton candy off the cone and shoved the whole bit into his mouth at once with a smile. The guy running the Ferris wheel stared at him as if he’d just grown a second head and Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose in equal parts amusement and exasperation. They finally got motioned forward to step into their car on the Ferris wheel and Eddie took the lead as he shared a look with the operator when he walked past. 

“No standing or leaning out of the bucket, please. You’ll get a chance to go around a couple of times and then will have to wait your turn to disembark. At that time, you might be up at the top for a period of time. Have fun.” The operator gave the spiel in a bored tone of voice as Richie slid in next to Eddie in the bucket shaped car. 

The door closed behind them as Richie let his arm settle over Eddie’s shoulder and he felt like this was some missing piece of their experience growing up. Like they were back in high school together but they hadn’t gotten to do this. Eddie leaned against Richie’s side as they started to move slowly upward. There was the soft pressure of Richie’s lips against the top of his head as they came to a stop so the next car could be filled up. 

“Get your gross mouth sugar in my hair and you’re dead,” Eddie said though he didn’t pull away. They were just a few feet above the crowd at this point, the part of the ride they never seemed to showcase in movies, the slow crawl as the carts were emptied and filled once more. Not high enough up for the view just yet and stuck watching the milling groups that are practically just below you. 

“What? You don’t want me to give you some sugar?” Richie pressed another kiss against the top of his head, nuzzled against his hair a little and Eddie definitely felt some stickiness as he reached up to smack him in the chest as he scooted over. Richie followed him, their cart swaying as he kept planting sticking kisses to Eddie’s cheeks now and he found himself laughing even as he cursed him out. 

“No rough housing on the ride, please!” The voice carried up from below them and Eddie flushed as he glanced down at the operator and flipped him an apologetic bird. Richie snorted and shoved his hand down before the kid could see it, both of them sitting low in the seat now as the Ferris wheel jolted into motion once more. That slow crawl just a little further upward before they came to a stop. They would be out of the line of sight for most people now; high enough up that they were likely out of sight with the way they were slouched. 

They settled there, leaned close to each other with their heads resting against each other as they waited for the ride to continue. Richie took his hand and lifted it up to his lips. It was hard to not be in some sort of constant contact; like all those years spent apart might come between them if they didn’t hold on tight enough. Eddie turned his head to look at Richie, already close and at eye level. 

It seemed to happen without a thought, without a word between them as Richie turned at the same time and their lips pressed longing against each other. Eddie leaned into it, hand fisted in Richie’s hair, as they kissed each other just as desperately as they had done the night before. It was sugar-coated, a little softer but no less needy than before as everything else just faded into the background. 

The ride jolted into motion once more and they both startled a little as they pulled out of the kiss. Richie looked dazed as he straightened his glasses and sat up a little straighter as they kept moving this time as they rose towards the top of the Ferris wheel. Eddie moved to sit up beside him, looked out over the water as they reached the peak of the circle. The beach stretched out into the far distance until it faded into the horizon where it was difficult to see where the sky ended and the land began. 

His lips felt a bit sticky and Eddie licked at them for a moment, tasted that lingering flavor of cotton candy with an underlying saltiness like the ocean air had clung there as well. He made eye contact with Richie in the middle of the motion, saw something so raw in his expression it almost overwhelmed him, and he wondered how he had ever thought he’d been in love with anyone else. They sat there, a live wire between them as they looped down past the loading area and then cut back up once more. 

As soon as they were past the control box and high enough there was some sense of privacy, Richie grabbed him again and they almost managed to knock his glasses over the side as they pressed into another kiss. Richie gave a curse and Eddie scrambled to catch them so they couldn’t go over the side. They heard someone from one of the carts behind them call out some sort of heckle at them followed by a cat call that broke the illusion that they couldn’t be seen. 

“So, maybe we should head back after this?” Richie flushed a little, head ducked like he was suddenly aware that he could be recognized again. Eddie took advantage of him sitting a little lower on the bench seat to put his arm around his shoulders. Richie scooted a bit closer to him, settled against his side as they reached the top of the loop once more. 

“Yeah, we can grab lunch to take with us on the way.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The world's a thing, isn't it? Have something a bit softer and kinder. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and any comments are appreciated <3 I hope you're all staying healthy and safe out there.


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